Written by James Heumann
What is everyday ethics? How can active listening improve your quality of life?
These are two questions that this article will address. But first, let me introduce this column and myself. My name is James Heumann, an upper-year philosophy undergrad with a minor in international development. This will be the first piece in what I intend to be a regular column called “Humanly Possible,” one which focuses on aspects of ethics that are applicable to everyday life, or what some call ‘practical ethics’ (I hope to approach this in a somewhat interdisciplinary way). Most of philosophy, as well as other relevant disciplines, are pretty technical and theoretical; I’ll try to bring it down to earth, apply it to how you and I, as individuals, can live a good life.
So, what is ethics? First of all, there are two words I’ll use as synonyms for each other: ‘ethics’ from the Greek ethikos, and ‘morality’ from the Latin moralis, coined by Cicero as a translation of ethikos. Some philosophers have tried to use these two words for different things, but in general these terms are taken as synonyms. That’s what I’ll do as well.
So, what is morality (i.e. ethics)? Doesn’t that topic imply religion? No (although religions are certainly one context in which morality is discussed). Plato and Aristotle were talking about ethics (i.e. morality) in the fourth century B.C., and were not basing their moral claims upon any of their supernatural claims. That means that morality is a human topic, not just a religious topic- one we should intelligently debate, using evidence accessible to everyone (at least when we’re in public discourse, speaking across worldview lines). The branch of philosophy called ethics is the academic field in which we debate what system of ethics we ought to follow, whereas the systems of ethics that specific people do follow rely more upon the social sciences.
I believe that the right moral theory incorporates attributing a certain amount of equal, inherent value to all human beings, and seeking or at least supporting and not impinging upon the pursuit of happiness of oneself and of others. Now on the word ‘happiness,’ I actually prefer the term human flourishing – Aristotle’s eudaimonia, which is about doing well, broadly, as a human. You’ll have to wait for more on this term and why I support it in a future column.
To bring together flourishing and ethics, flourishing is what one desires for a person when one values that person. Since I believe one should value both oneself and others and follow universal principles that flow from this valuation, I believe one should desire the flourishing of oneself and of all (insofar as their flourishing does not impinge upon the flourishing of others in any unjust way).
Now we’re ready to make a brief start on my first applied topic for ethics: how active listening can contribute to your lifelong flourishing, and that of certain others around you.
One of the biggest factors in the emotional well being of any human being, according to psychologists, is the quality and depth of one’s close, personal relationships. So how does one develop such relationships?
I think we all know the difference between bad friendships, superficial friendships, pleasant friendships and really good, deep friendships. We have to draw distinctions between our acquaintances based upon how deeply we can trust them, and in what contexts we can enjoy spending time with them. I’m talking about the good and the great friendships – the people you can lean on, to bounce ideas off of, brainstorm with on personal dilemmas and so forth. How do you develop, maintain and improve those relationships? I believe that one extremely valuable tool toward this end is ‘active listening,’ or more specifically, a complex of attitudes towards the person you’re talking to that sees that person as the prime agent in their life, and leaves control of their life in their hands, while retaining control of one’s own life as well; this complex includes active listening as a key tool. One doesn’t seek to control one’s friends, but merely draws lines about where one stands, and where one won’t follow one’s friend. One might add distance to a friendship, or even sever it, if someone acts in ways one cannot personally tolerate, but one doesn’t seek to control that person.
Within that approach to other people, active listening is an excellent tool for helping others. And when you find someone willing to reciprocate it, you’ve got a powerful ingredient for an excellent, close friend of a certain kind – the friend you can turn to for all manner of difficult issues you’d like to discuss. So, the competency of active listening, and the attitude of leaving others in control of their lives, are powerful tools that will contribute greatly to flourishing throughout a lifespan, both one’s own and those of one’s friends (since good friendships help greatly at every stage of life).
So, what is active listening? I may take this up in my next piece, but for now, I’ll just say it involves a lot of empathy and responding to the other person with questions more than statements, and open-ended questions more than yes-no questions, to help them explore the issues for themselves. How can you learn active listening? Again, for now, I’ll just say that any social competencies are best developed in an environment where you can get theoretical training, practice, and feedback on how you’re doing. Volunteering with the Student Support Network on campus was fantastic in this regard, for me, and should be recruiting now, or else soon, but the Peer Helper program also teaches active listening (and is now recruiting).
So, until my next piece, I wish you more of the good life.