Geeks are weird. This has been obvious for a while now, since the times of the Dungeons and Dragons panic and before our imagined metropoli and obsession with brooding bat based crime fighters. We have an intensity of opinions that sometimes gets in the way of perspective. This problem seems to be compounded by the geeks rise to the mainstream as of the turn of the century. Hordes of rabid, ravaging geeky anger can roll through the ports of twitter, twirling until it gets a bit up its own ass. Suddenly geek outrage isn’t limited to the less pleasant neckbearded manchildren parts of fandom. Even level headed “casuals” can turn into the type of ponytail and fedora wearing crazies that defend power girl’s boob window.
The reason I bring up this sweaty, odd affliction of ours is that recently the geek world collectively ruined our trousers as Warner Brothers announced that Ben Affleck would star as Batman in the upcoming Man of Steel sequel. As of this writing over 91,000 people have signed a petition on Change.org asking Warner Bros to remove the actor. Another petition was placed on whitehouse.gov asking President Obama to do the same. When we petition for an executive order just to remove actors we don’t like, it may be a sign that things are a little out of control. This is the same kind of outrage that occurred when Heath Ledger, previously known for romantic comedies and movies like A Knights Tale, one watched mainly by 4th graders on late June schooldays, was picked to play the Joker. That case turned out well. And while I don’t think Batman Vs. Superman, as it will probably be called, will be quite The Dark Knight quality, you’d think we would at least have learned that great performances can come from left field actors. Look at the Town and Argo. The man can act, and he has the bat-chin, he’ll do fine.
Now, just because Mr. Affleck will probably do our favorite emotionally scarred yet lovable billionaire justice, doesn’t mean Batman Vs. Superman will likely be good. Firstly, Frank Miller is being consulted. While the man did write Sin City, it’s also the man who wrote a version of batman whom likes to get busy on piles of burning criminals. The man is inconsistent at best. Add to that the fact that the film is being directed by Zack Snyder, who is admittedly extremely talented at making stylistic action movies, but has a bad track record in terms of characterization, and things start to look mediocre. More than anything, Affleck could possible bring up the quality of the movie. So why do we freak out?
The Change.org petition claimed he wasn’t physically intimidating enough for the role. Successful Batmen have come from prior roles like Mr. Mom, Top Gun, and Swing Kids, so perhaps we shouldn’t judge Affleck’s physicality from Gigli. It’s not like Batman runs around shirtless. If we were so concerned about Bruce Wayne being physically intimidating, perhaps we should have petitioned to replace Christian Bale in the Dark Knight with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnston. However, the most objectionable complaint, that Mr. Affleck didn’t do justice to Daredevil, is perhaps the most questionable. This illustrates the problem with the fanbase; that we make up our minds and never look back. Daredevil was ten years ago, and was at worst mediocre, it’s more than time to give an actor of Affleck’s current caliber another shot.
Since the great Affleck controversy of ’13, as it will be known, voices of reason have revealed themselves. Kevin Smith, writer of the innovative Batman: Cacophony and frequent collaborator with Affleck has defended him, as have ex batmen Val Kilmer and Adam West. Josh Brolin, Hugh Jackman, and Matt Damon have stepped forward. When our actors have to defend Oscar winners from hordes of disgruntled Hot Topic sporting teenagers and guys who think The Dark Knight was the best movie ever made, something is wrong.
But perhaps I’m looking at this the wrong way. Maybe the fans are right. Imagine if you will, a Batman who meets the fans demands for physical intimidation, with actors that they will love.
Lex Luthor, played by Bryan Cranston, has a plan for Metropolis. He, with the help of the Joker, presented via ingenious editing techniques and clips from 10 Things I Hate About You, A Knights Tale, and secret, never before seen footage from The Dark Knight, will poison the water supply and use Lex’s Wall Street Money to take over not just Metropolis and Gotham, but the world. Only Superman, played by that one guy from Smallville in an extended cameo, can go get Batman, played Benedict Cumberbatch, so that the caped crusader can save the day. But will the Joker betray Lex? Will Batman be swayed by the Joker’s totally reasonable philosophy? Will one of the guys from Supernatural make a fan-baiting appearance as the riddler?
Find out next week, same bat channel, same bat time.