Top 10 Worst Sports Team Names

Ottawa’s new Redblacks inspire worst in sports

With the recent expansion of the Canadian Football League, the city of Ottawa has added yet another formerly named sports team that is raising more than a few eyebrows. The Ottawa Redblacks (currently accepting any definition of what a ‘Redblack’ is) now sit alongside the Ontario Hockey League’s Ottawa 67’s, who were literally named after the year they became a franchise, and the National Hockey League’s Ottawa Senators, who evoke the image of a man resembling Rob Ford discussing taxes in a cozy Parliament Building chair. And let’s not even talk about the whole Ottawa almost TomaHawks but now Skyhawks debacle of the National Basketball League.

As Ottawa continues to be the only city with the ability to create their own list for worst sports team names, I decided to branch out into professional sports and create my own.

10. Washington Wizards and Orlando Magic (NBA)

These two are grouped together due to their magical connection. Though the Wizards have a bit of an excuse since the 1996 renaming of the team from the Washington Bullets was due to the name being too controversial (as per team owner Abe Pollin), it’s still important to note that anything magic related isn’t always a problem solver, or appropriate. Just ask the Catholic schools that banned the Harry Potter novels.

9. New York Islanders (NHL)

For right now, Islanders may not be the most intimidating name in the sporting world, but at least it makes sense as they are located on Long Island. But in a couple of years when they relocated to Brooklyn, this will no longer be the case. What will they be, then, the Brooklyners? The Islanders of Brooklyn?

8. Houston Texans (NFL) and the Washington Capitals (NHL)

I don’t see the creativity in naming a team after where they’re located, but I guess these two are trying a unique intimidation factor that I might not be picking up on. Maybe I should be scared of Texans? And there’s a good chance that Washington is trying to remind everybody that they have the White House if you send your goon after Alexander Ovechkin.

7. Utah Jazz (NBA)

When this team was located in New Orleans, the home of jazz music, this name might have held a sense of pride that could be transferred onto the team itself, making perfect sense. However, when relocating to Salt Lake City, Utah, rethinking the name might have been a good idea. Unless, of course, your secret weapon is going to be jazz hands.

6. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (MLB)

This team is named after two cities that, according to Google, are 41.6 kilometers (and 36 minutes without traffic!) away from each other. And I’m not even going to touch ‘Angels.’ We all know how deadly a shining halo can be for the opposition.

5. Oakland Athletics (MLB)

So, you’re the Athletics? Your team name embodies what a thirteen year old uses to describe his personality in gym class. I mean, you could have just called your team the Athletes, at least then you’d be a little bit more specific.

4. Buffalo Bills (NFL)

This team name could mean one of two things: either it’s quite literally a team made up of men named Bill, or on the much scarier side, a piece of paper with a large amount of money owing. Considering I rarely have that money to pay said large amount, I guess I can see the intimidation factor.

3. Toronto Maple Leafs (NHL)

One of the most historic and beloved franchises in all of sports, blah blah blah. I know, I’m a diehard fan. But the Maple Leafs? Really? And don’t think for a second anyone will ever let you forget that it’s not spelled correctly.

2. Cleveland Browns (NFL)

Even though it’s named after the franchise’s first head coach, Paul Brown, I’m quite positive that doesn’t stop anyone from thinking like a 4-year-old with this one.

1. Wheeling Nailers (ECHL)

This one doesn’t just speak for itself, it screams.

While compiling this list, I was shocked at the amount of tragic team names out there – a lot of them universities. A few honourable mentions are necessary: Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes, University of Arkansas at Monticello Boll Weevils (a beetle six millimeters in length – if you were wondering), and University of California Santa Cruz Banana Slugs (who apparently were named one of the 10 best college mascots in 2008 by ESPN – as if I needed another reason to question ESPN