Suruchi Sharma’s experiences as a single woman in India in relation to North American culture
An article was recently published on bbc.com titled, “No country for single women.” In the article, Suruchi Sharma discusses the extreme stigma attached to single women over 25 in India.
“There is a stigma associated with a woman who is single. When a woman says she is single by choice, it’s more or less assumed that she is not respectable,” Sharma explained.
Being a 28-year-old single woman herself, Sharma discussed the pressure her friends and family place on her to find a good husband. Within the article, she made it clear that she was not bashing the idea of marriage, and actually looks forward to becoming married someday. Rather, Sharma discussed the distaste she has toward the idea of “Mr. Right,” as she believes finding that right person does not have to occur within a certain time frame. In a place where arranged marriages are still prominent, finding the “right guy” is often a rushed process, often pushed forward by a woman’s family.
“By Indian standards, I’ve left it late and I am probably at the bottom of the pyramid of eligible women. But I still don’t find the idea of ‘settling for’ someone appealing,” wrote Sharma.
Although the stigma attached to women who choose to be single is arguably more acute in Indian than in North American culture, North American women still manage to feel a similar pressure once they reach a certain age.
“I’ve never understood why it’s so culturally unacceptable to be on your own. It’s become apart of our identity, the first ways in which anyone describes themselves: single or taken,” states Julia Maniccia, a student at York University. “I don’t see how or why being single translates to the ‘there’s something wrong with you’ stigma.”
The media tends to push the idea that in order to find happiness, that “perfect wedding,” or “perfect dress” is necessary.
Growing up, we are bombarded by images of “Mr. Right” and “Prince Charming” in Disney movies. With television shows such as Say Yes to the Dress, we are provided with that fantasy of walking down the aisle in that perfect dress on our wedding day. With a flood of Spence Diamonds radio commercials glorifying that “perfect engagement ring,” we are fed the idea that along with that perfect engagement ring comes unlimited amounts of happiness.
With advancements in medicine, our biological clocks are changing, allowing women to reproduce later in life. There is no longer a “rush” to secure a husband in order to have children. With divorce becoming increasingly prominent and common-law becoming a popular option, it is no longer necessary for women to even get married if they don’t want to. With a change in social acceptability, it is not unheard of for women to have children first and choose to get married later. So, why must we continue to find ways to inflict pressure on females to find a suitor by a certain age?
Some may argue that this pressure to marry does not really exist, and that women maintain complete agency in choosing when to get married – or even not to get married at all. If this is true, why do women continue to confess to feeling the anxieties of not being married after a certain age? It is an issue that remains a popular topic for debate – the ways in which a patriarchal society still attempts to discourage women from exerting complete agency over their own lives.