Dear “he won’t leave me alone”:
Trying to extricate oneself from a relationship that is no longer working can be a daunting endeavour! Be assured that you will succeed, however, and that you will come away with skills that are highly transportable.
Even though you are writing about a romantic relationship, there are skills that you will be practicing that will be useful in business, as well as other personal relationships.
The first thing to remember is, that you are in control of what you allow yourself to think about. If your ex is being emotionally abusive, with his comments and perceptions of facts, remember that you have your own right to make decisions to be the person you want to be! In the old days, we could just “unplug” the phone or hang up, but now there is texting and emailing, and we may miss important messages if we “disconnect.” Assign a specific ring to his texts or calls, and select the “I’m driving” or some similar message as your reply. The point here is the concept of “the big slow down.” This is a technique used in “hostage-taking” instances. When you don’t immediately provide what he wants (in this case, a reply), the emotion with which he sent it will dissipate. You truly are in control if you want to send a reply, if you want to reiterate your decision to take a new path, or if you want to clear up a few points.
Do not, in any case, “fight fire with fire” or engage in similar “combat.” Offer the option of withdrawing from further exchanges in order to maintain a positive regard for each other in the future. Give some thought about the exact words you want to use. Then, every time he calls, texts, emails, etc. say the exact same thing and leave it at that. Each day will get easier, especially if you fill it with purpose and carefully planned distractions (like studying).
If you feel, in any way, threatened, however, you must take different actions that include professionals in managing what could be dangerous behavior. Ordinarily, the shock of a “break-up” will wear off, and he too will move on.
For now, your happiness and peaceful continuation of advancement is up to you!
Elann
Email: dearelann@gmail.com for advice and help