Finding love in one way or another
One of the most documented human experiences is the emotional hardship of heartbreak. Throughout history, plays, movies, music, and literature have been riddled with romantic depictions of heartbreak and the loss of loved ones, often vocalized in heart-rending tones. We don’t quite realize the magnitude of the emotion we invest into an individual until they are taken from us – or worse – until they voluntarily cut us out of their lives. A figment of the “happily ever after” mentality we once had revisits us at arbitrary times, often in the form of dreams or dazes. We reconcile with it momentarily and bask in its euphoria, but once it is gone, we are once again depleted of joy, and we must face the awakening bolt of reality: we are alone.
Learning to accept people as they are is sometimes a tough thing to do – but it is a necessary part of life, even if it means getting go. Photo Illustration by Jessica Avolio.
A part of loving our partners means that we have to accept that they, just like us, have their own preferences and desires; that they too get upset, happy, angry, and jealous. At times, our points of view might not correlate with theirs, and at times, they might need a break from us – or even a separation. Far too often we are blinded by the lavish love we receive from our significant other, we get addicted to that rush of butterflies in our stomachs, and when it is gone, we do things that we later regret.
We blindly render our loved ones faultless; their simplicity gravitates us towards them, their contentment with life enchants us. Their look of innocence, the way light hits their face, and the way their eyes glow when you look at them – we cling on to these things. We hang on for dear life because, as much we love them, and as gratifying as their presence is, no matter what, we know in the back of our heads that one day they will slip out of our grip. We know that, once again, we will be stuck alone with our own thoughts and feelings.
People change. Why? Why can’t they stay the same? Just like the good old days? Don’t let fervent naivety take over rational thinking. When was the last time we looked back and thought, “What on earth was I thinking?” Those embarrassing moments are often justified with, “It’s okay, I was different.” Times change, seasons pass, and so do people; it is one of the many difficult processes that people must adjust to. As Arthur Schopenhauer once wrote, “Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.”
When I wonder if it is only me who suffers from this situation, I realize that not only am I a single case of a pervasive epidemic of heartbroken individuals, but even the seemingly invincible celebrities and musicians – being human just like me – suffer from this exhausting malady just the same. With regards to musicians, one song in particular comes to mind when I think about this struggle; it doesn’t only perfectly encapsulate the struggle of trying to change someone, but it captures the danger of falling in love with one aspect of another human being instead of all of them. The song is, of course, Roxanne by the Police. Between the ostensibly endless number of times that Sting utters the name “Roxanne,” the lyrics really portray Sting’s love for a girl who “sells her body to the night,” who, as he claims, is too good for her occupation and merciless clients. Now, there is a substantial margin between the pain of falling in love with a prostitute and your average heartbreak; nonetheless, it involves an excruciating battle with one’s feelings and emotions.
It’s hard to let go of someone we love. It’s hard to watch the passion you once shared with one another wash away, and it’s even harder to see it shared with someone else. We keep busy to prevent thoughts from sitting and turning toxic – we try to distance ourselves from anything that might trigger longing and reminiscence. The memories that once lit up our faces are now nothing but a collection of repressed images and sounds. But I say bask in them. Let the sink in, as painful as it might be, take pride in how fortunate and privileged you were to have had a taste of what love is – something that so few of us truly get to experience – and come to terms with what happened, so we can at last move forward, part ways with difficult times, and invite in better ones. Soon you will realize that, what seemed like insurmountable aching at the time, was nothing but a priceless life lesson. Don’t worry, one day, if it is within your interest, you too will find love in one way or another.