Winter fling or soul mate one thing’s for sure
Valentine’s Day is a month away, and maybe a relationship is on your mind. Perhaps Valentine’s Day is just a corporate slur that has scarred our society, but either way, it’s the season of the winter cling, so here are some things to keep in mind.
If everyone were on a mission to find their one true life partner this year, things would get crazy.
When my Editor-In Chief Emily Jones asked me to write a piece about relationships, I wasn’t sure she knew what she was getting into. The truth is, I’m far from a die-hard monogamist. My relationships crumble or explode semi-yearly, but these are the days of change. This year, I am putting forth my greatest effort to present the fullest, most unadulterated version of myself. That doesn’t mean I won’t stop learning or changing, but I will continue to do so for myself and not anyone else.
No one can predict the future, but the hope or hypothesis is that, if one reveals their true state, then any resulting relationship(s) will be more prosperous.
Well what if you’re a terrible person? If you realize this as truth, then change for you first, and pursue romantic entanglement later.
If you’re really not feeling the whole commitment thing, and would like to start or continue casual dating, that’s totally fine (not that you need my approval). If everyone were on a mission to find their one true life partner this year, things would get crazy. If you’re one of the many people out there trying to find someone new, my advice will always be the same – the more you do, the more people you meet. Yes online communication like Tinder or Hot-or-Not is out there but there is another way: the original way. It doesn’t matter if you’re at a book club or playing co-ed ultimate Frisbee – you’re much more likely to meet someone outside, than if you were sitting at home playing Call of Duty, or binge watching Orange Is The New Black.
It’s important to note (if you don’t already have this on lock) that “hello” does not mean “I love you,” or “I want to have sex with you.” There are no guarantees, sure bets, or quid pro quos in the dating scene; to think that there is can easily lead to objectification and trouble.
…you’re much more likely to meet someone outside than if you were sitting at home playing Call of Duty…
Lastly, what does exist is consent. Recently, I was having a wine and Netflix night with a dear friend and previous sexual partner who I have not seen in a few years. For reference, the idea of “yes means yes” has been very much on my mind recently. The night continued with the hot romance of Rick Grimes and company slaying zombies in the Walking Dead, paired with three glasses of wine. It was at this juncture that I looked at my friend and said, “Can I kiss you?” My friend laughed, for a solid three seconds, and then kissed me. Then they told me they were never asked that before – at least not so directly. I think I managed to fire off the words “informed consent. Before I could finish, we threw away the rest of the sentence and got straight to taxes. The point is, it was awkward, but it was also important. Yes, maybe there will be a brief second that the moment could be broken, but no one is asking you to sign a waiver like you’ve just ordered the hottest hot sauce on earth. A conversation beforehand – even a point blank question – is streets ahead.
Premier Kathleen Wynne confirmed Jan. 9 at a press conference, that sex-ed classes for public school students will include lessons on consent. So whether you are pursuing your soulmate, Mr. Swipe Right, or anything in between, get smarter than an eighth grader and learn that yes means yes.