The difference between venting and complaining
For many people, when something is bothering us, talking about it is one way to feel better. Talking about things is a good way to manage mental health overall because it validates what we’re feeling, and having an outside perspective can often help us to see things differently. However, if you find yourself frequently talking about the same issue or problem you’re facing, it may be time to consider if you’re venting, or just complaining.
Venting is when you talk to another person about a problem you’re dealing with, or something that’s bothering you, and once you talk it out, you feel better. Sometimes, venting allows us to adjust how we think about a problem, or to just feel like we’ve been heard and that we’ve gotten a weight off our chests by verbalizing our frustration.
Complaining, on the other hand, is when you talk about your problem, and find that either the conversation never seems to end, or when it does, you feel worse. Sometimes, talking in circles about whatever’s gotten under your skin can just have the effect of winding you up and getting you mad at a situation all over again without taking steps to move forward.
In times of stress, whether emotional or physical, your body produces cortisol. Slight increases in cortisol can have positive effects, such as a quick burst of energy, heightened memory, a burst of increased immunity, and lower sensitivity to pain. Cortisol is part of the body’s fight-or-flight response, for which all of the above effects would be positive. However, if the body doesn’t have a chance to activate the relaxation response, it can lead to higher and more prolonged levels of cortisol in the bloodstream.
Elevated or prolonged cortisol secretion is a symptom associated with chronic stress, and can have negative effects on your body, including impaired cognitive function, higher blood pressure, lowered immunity, blood glucose imbalances such as hyperglycemia, and a decrease in bone density and muscle tissue. Of course, some of these health issues would take years to develop, but the point is that prolonged elevation of cortisol is bad for your body.
When we complain, and find ourselves feeling more stressed or more angry after talking about the issue than we were before, our bodies are producing cortisol. Over time, if we continue to complain regularly and feel the same emotional response, we are regularly producing elevated levels of cortisol.
Venting is different because of how it makes us feel, and the hormones that produces. When we are able to find some sort of resolution, even if it just means deciding to let the issue go, we have removed the source of the stress. Even if it’s a recurring problem and all we’ve done is decide how to handle it differently next time, the important thing is that if you feel better, you’re likely not circulating the same elevated levels of cortisol as you do when you complain.
Sometimes it can help to take a step back and evaluate the issue that is causing you to complain as a way to manage chronic stress. Is there anything about the situation itself that you can change? If not, is there anything you can do to change the way that you think about or approach the situation? Sometimes, it becomes a matter of simply limiting exposure to the situation or person causing you to have something to complain about, if there is nothing else that you think you can realistically do to change the situation.
Talking it out can be a hugely helpful tool for acknowledging how we’re feeling; however, repetitive complaining can be harmful to the complainer, and exhausting for the listener. It can help to become aware of what you’re saying whenever you’re talking to other people—are you complaining about the weather? are you making offhand comments about how much you hate winter? If so, these little moments of complaining can be an opportunity to shift your perspective and try to look for something positive. Sometimes, just starting with these day-to-day changes can make an impact on your overall stress level, and your mental health.