How we get in the way of our own success
It’s now halfway through March and the resolutions that were made in the New Year’s fervor of 2016 may seem like a lifetime away. At the beginning, you and your friends proudly inform one another about all the positive changes that you will be bringing into your life for the New Year. Maybe this was the year that you actually kept up that promise to go to the gym three times a week, or to stop procrastinating on all of your papers, but life could’ve also gotten in the way. With big deadlines looming, social events to attend, and hours of sleep that desperately needed to be caught up on, it’s understandable that hopping on the treadmill might have fallen to the wayside. It’s okay though, you tell all your friends, now that the nice weather is here you’ll make sure to go for a nice jog outside each evening after class. Happy that you’ve let everyone know that the new healthy and fit version of yourself isn’t just a pipedream, you settle on down to an evening of Netflix.
Why is it that our first instinct when we set new goals for ourselves is to yell it from the balcony to any passerby that will listen, channeling Ebenezer Scrooge from Dicken’s A Christmas Carol? Derek Sivers, creator of online indie music store CD Baby, addressed the issue in his own TED Talk, and may have come up with a solution. Sivers refers to a study done by psychologists at NYU in 2008, who concluded that the more we talk about goals with other individuals, the less likely there are to be achieved. The reasoning behind this claim comes from the idea that there is a “social reality” that we all contribute to when we’re out in public and interacting with others. When you tell someone else your goal, you are incorporating it into the social reality, and oftentimes telling other about our plans brings on a feeling of joy and euphoria. These feelings are similar to those that we get when we actually achieve what we set out to do, but in this case, we haven’t had to actually put in the work and accomplish anything. This allows us to have our cake and eat it too, by reaping the same emotional benefits without the effort and time commitment, but it also means that we achieve far less than we should.
If you’re already thinking about never discussing your hopes and dreams with a living soul again, there’s no need to be so drastic. Sometimes telling others can be used as motivation, but it’s all in the presentation. Try to get some progress or momentum behind you before telling everyone your big plans. If you’re committing to running a marathon, make sure that you’ve already been out running a few half-marathons before dropping the news. This allows you to share your goals and experiences with others, without having to rely on their praise for motivation. Once you make a habit out of progressing towards your goal, you have the discipline to keep going, and your close friends will only be excited to hear about the great progress you’ve already made. So lace up your runners, or get back to that novel you have a really good title for, and keep working away until you achieve your goals. Just be a little quieter about it this time.