Stop going to shows if you’re a jackass
Listen, I’m complicit in this problem, 100 per cent.
Emo is definitely my favourite genre. There’s something about two through three guitars, heavy drums, moody bass lines, and singing songs about all the shitty sex you had with someone who’s using you that just gets to me. Sorry if that sounds melodramatic. Fall Out Boy was the first band I shared a genuine, emotion-based connection with. When Jesse Lacey of Brand New was feuding with Taking Back Sunday’s John Nolan, trading increasingly aggressive songs, I felt like I was in the feud and I loved it. I felt those emotions, somehow. I’m baffled now as to why I, a middle class thirteen year old girl from a great family, identified so strongly with extreme emotions, but hey, middle school is weird for everyone.
It’s important, before I get into it, to note that I am an intersectional feminist. I never wasn’t in the sense that my parents are extremely progressive, but in recent years, my interest in the intersectionalities of class, race, gender, and abledness has increased dramatically. I mean, I stopped watching Game of Thrones, a show I loved, because I couldn’t stomach the sexual violence inflicted upon the female characters anymore.
But I am complicit in a very big problem. My beloved emo bands and their pop-punk affiliates, like high school students everywhere, write about the things that make them sad, right? What makes adolescent men the most sad (in the deeply heteronormative sense)? Girls. Girls, man.
[pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]…focus on the perceived mistreatment of men by women…[/pullquote]
There is a tendency in the emo genre to focus on the perceived mistreatment of men by women, and the ensuing grandiose feelings of sexual rejection, anger, and derision. So many of these songs I love, songs often brilliantly crafted, are a man’s vitriolic tirade of rejection. It sucks. It sucks that they would betray me like this.
It would appear to me that many of the lyricists of these bands are under the persuasion that women are machines you put tokens of niceness into, and in return, receive the lovely gift of sex. Unlimited tries, everyone’s a winner.
I’d hate to be the one to tell you, Jesse, Pete, Adam, Chris, but unfortunately, women are people. And since women are people, they get all the rights and subjectivity that you do. Shitty, I know. This means that they aren’t obligated to have sex with you, even if you are more literate, stylish, kissable, and quiet. Sorry dudes, all the guyliner in the world won’t bring her to f*ck you if you’re actually a massive d*ck.
I’m not saying you can’t be sad that the object of your affections doesn’t return the sentiment, but you don’t have to angry about it, or aggressive.
It’s the same old nice-guy/f*ck-boy problem that women have been dealing with for centuries, well, probably centuries. It boils down to this: patriarchal influences tell men that a woman’s number one aim is to seek validation from men. And it’s so true. All this make up, all these clothes, all my interests serve one purpose: attract a man. I’m obviously in university to find a husband. Hell, I’m only writing this article because I hope some strong, wildly intelligent man will reach out to me and explain (mansplain) how wrong I’m being, how mean women rejecting nice guys really is a problem and that I just need to calm down, or stop PMSing.
The nicest thing a man can do for a woman is tell them they’re pretty. The highest honour they can bestow upon women is to bless them with the presence of their magnificently average penis and non-existent cunnilingus skills. And if a woman somehow resists your charms, well, she’s a bitch and deserves to kiss someone with something contagious on their lips.
It isn’t just lyrically, it’s in the shows, the way bands interact with women, and the way women are treated by the community. For a bunch of sensitive dudes, they can really be a bunch of jackasses. I’ve lost track recently of how many emo/pop-punk musicians have been accused of sexual misconduct, sexual assault, and soliciting sex from minors. Even when the men in these bands try and do well by their female fans, they are often derided. Frontman of Joyce Manor, Barry Johnson, has recently come under fire for attempting to ban stage-diving at their shows. During a concert, Johnson observed a fully-grown man leap onto a group of young teenage girls. After calling the man out, angry men-children took to the internet to call him a “p*ssy.” In retaliation, Johnson tweeted: “So far on this tour I’ve seen a girl with a black eye, a girl with a concussion, and a girl with a dislocated knee.. Great way to make young women feel safe at a show when the rest of the fucking world is hostile towards them already.”
I’m just trying to draw attention to a problem. I don’t know what the solution is. I love Fall Out Boy and every year, I connect with something different, something more. There is an abundance of criticism heaped on the rap and R&B world of music for their treatment of women and other minorities, but the same criticism is almost never directed at the pop-punk and emo genres. It’s no coincidence that a genre dominated by black males is posited as misogynistic, aggressive, and even violent when lyrically, the white-dominated emo/pop-punk genre does much the same damage to women.