What seeking out support did for my anxiety
The first time I realized that I needed to talk to someone about my mental health I was sitting down to dinner with my family. My heart was pounding and my chest felt tight.
This wasn’t the first time I’d had a panic attack, but something about this one felt different. My family had always been a source of comfort for me, so I couldn’t understand why I was suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety.
I knew I had other reasons for the panic attacks; I was in the midst of a year off after two years of university. I had spent two years in a program where I was not succeeding and I had no sense of direction.
When the panic attacks started, I hoped that it was born out of this confusion and would pass once I made a decision. But, it was at this dinner with my family that I was planning on announcing that I would be starting a new program in the approaching fall semester.
I had a friend who suffered from major anxiety and when I confided in her about my panic attacks, she told me to seek out assistance with the counselling services at the university.I brushed it off at first, thinking that it wasn’t that bad or that it would go away on its own, but I soon discovered this wasn’t the case.
September came, and as I sat down in my first day of class, I felt that similar tightness. My breathing became shorter and harsher. I was overwhelmed with the need to leave the lecture hall, but somehow managed to stay. After that, I knew that I could ignore it no longer, I needed to talk to a professional.
In my first session, the counsellor let me ramble. I told her when it had started, how often it happened, and other big changes I was noticing in my personality. She told me it was good that I was coming to her now, that I was in the beginning stages of an anxiety disorder and there were steps we could take to improve it, but it would be a lot of hard work.
The counsellor gave me a list of things that she wanted me to do when I felt a panic attack coming and insisted that I take at least 15 minutes out of every day to do something for myself. I think this was the hardest part of the exercises that I was given to practice. I’m a giver when it comes to my family and friends, so it felt selfish to turn away from them even if it was just for a short period of time.
I still struggle with panic attacks and I still practice the exercises, but they are much less frequent than they were.
It took me a long time to open up to my friends and family about what I was going through, but once I did, the level of support I received was unbelievable.I am lucky to be surrounded by amazing people who continue to help me in my recovery and I am proud of myself for being able to openly talk about my struggles with them.
It may not be easy to talk about mental health but it is important. I would encourage my fellow Gryphons to recognize that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.
Photo by Mariah Bridgeman/The Ontarion.