And by nice, I mean not actually very nice at all
The end of the date was coming around, and I was starting to get nervous. The guy I had met up with was sweet, had driven from out of town to meet up with me, and had offered me a lift to the University. But I knew with certainty that I did not want a second date, and was prepared to tell him that if he asked.
When the conversation turned to whether or not we would be seeing each other again, I said that while I had appreciated his efforts to meet, I was not going to ask him to do that again. At first, this went over well. My date shook my hand and gave me a friendly hug, which was when he noticed I was shaking.
“It’s because I think you’re a nice person, and I feel bad saying no to nice people,” I explained.“It’s okay, really,” he said. Then: “How about one kiss for the road?”I barely had a chance to react before he kissed me. Any appreciation I previously had for him handling rejection in a positive way evaporated. It was clear that this guy believed that because he had put in the effort and was “nice,” he deserved something from me, despite my clear disinterest.
Let me be clear here — I’m not saying I don’t like nice people. My issue lies with people who think that being polite automatically unlocks perks, and if your date doesn’t agree, she must not like “nice guys.” They would rather complain that nice guys always finish last than acknowledge that sometimes two people aren’t compatible and that’s okay.There’s a flipside to this issue as well. Growing up and being conditioned to avoid hurting the feelings of others is a good rule to live by the majority of the time, but not when it forces you to put your own comfort at risk. Something I am actively working on is being more direct and assertive with future partners. That being said, I don’t think my message was unclear with this date.
After I tried saying goodbye to my date for five minutes, during which he kissed me again, I approached a girl who had been standing nearby throughout the entire exchange. I wanted to know whether or not she thought I had been clear with him. “You were very clear,” she said. “I don’t know why he did that.”The thing is, being nice doesn’t give you a gold star. Being nice to your date is the bare minimum you need to do. It doesn’t entitle you to anything and it isn’t a get out of jail free card. If you really want to be a nice person, listen to what your date is saying and respect it.
It’s better to be remembered as a good person someone didn’t click with than a creep who couldn’t take no for an answer.
Photo by Alora Griffiths/The Ontarion