Parkland school shooting shows exactly how much some politicians care
On February 14, 2018, Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School (MSD) in Parkland, Fla. became the latest site of tragedy in the most recent mass shooting in America.
The events resulted in the deaths of 14 students and three staff members. The shooter, 19-year-old former student Nikolas Cruz, walked onto campus carrying a duffle bag and backpack that contained an AR-15 style automatic rifle and multiple magazines. Cruz is currently awaiting trial on 17 counts of first degree murder and 17 counts of attempted first degree murder.
Students who survived the shooting united with others around the country in a demonstration called March For Our Lives, which demanded stricter gun control laws. While impactful, the event only melted the icy hearts of 36 politicians in the Florida state House; there is an inquiry into whether the 71 other representatives, which sources suggest may well be Republicans, are actually in fact human. One theory put forth suggests that while fully human, these politicians have suffered severe head trauma that makes them incapable of feeling empathy or understanding complex concepts such as cause and effect. Not all is lost, however, as the lawmakers in Florida’s House of Representatives turned their attention to what is perhaps a much more pressing current issue impacting the youth of today: The Pornography.The House declared pornography — the photographic representations of human bodies engaged in sexual acts in order to provide viewers with pleasure — the real public health risk to today’s youth. Being all messed up from all the pornography they watched, the group protesting the loss of no one at all, was not in attendance, unlike the students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.
Recognizing the seriousness of the MSD mass shooting, some progress was achieved as Florida Governor Rick Scott passed a law increasing the minimum age to purchase and own a firearm from 18 to 21. The National Rifle Association (NRA) quickly came to the rescue of young women’s rights — stating: “Females between the ages of 18 and 21 pose a relatively slight risk of perpetrating a school shooting such as the one that occurred at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, or, for that matter, a violent crime of any kind.” The NRA is suing the State of Florida for violating the fundamental rights of females. Through difficult times, however, comes inventiveness. The events at MSD have led to an incredibly innovative solution to America’s gun problem: treating law-abiding citizens like criminals and stripping them of their privacy.Called the Backpack Solution (BS), all students have been provided with backpacks made of state-of-the-art clear material technology. The technology allows for this material to be entirely transparent so that all the contents within the backpack are visible to those around the individual wearing the backpack.
Although the backpacks are clearly more than enough to deter any concealment of weapons, the BS is paired with:
- Students being forced to wear new student IDs at all times
- Limited points of entry to the school
- Increased police presence on campus
The BS, on the cutting-edge of gun safety, means that hundreds of dollars will be saved as the school district will not need to install or monitor metal detectors at the school’s entrance points. Instead, students, teachers, and police officers will all monitor each other closely as though all of them are both prisoner and warden. This BS is the only solution to America’s gun problem that is totally effective and constitutional.
Critics and supporters will continue to debate how to solve the problem of recurring school shootings and making sure that everyone owns the gun they really want for years to come. For now, we can take comfort in knowing that politicians all concur that the Backpack Solution will most certainly prevent students from bringing magazines to school in their backpacks — especially nudie magazines, the greatest public health risk in Florida today.
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