My experience with abortion
I want to share my experience. It is the experience of a woman who chose to have an abortion at the age of 18. The negative societal views on abortion make me contemplate my decision to this day. I am concerned about how people will view me as an individual after they find out I have had an abortion. The opinions of those who are unaware of the particulars of my life should not be able to question my decisions, but they do. It’s hard to understand that in today’s society — where we believe in freedom, consent, and agency — that abortion continues to be a controversial topic; one that invites comments that make me feel judged and, at times, unsafe.
For what felt like a very long time after my abortion, I felt ashamed. I felt like a murderer; a monster. I never told my parents that I was pregnant because I was scared and embarrassed. To this day, they are still unaware of my pregnancy and abortion. I believe my decision to have an abortion would disappoint my parents. They are loving and supportive and my fear of disappointment led me to live a difficult part of my life in secrecy.
As a Catholic, I knew the Bible teaches that abortion is wrong. With time and talking to my friends, I realized I should not be ashamed of the choice I made because it was the best choice I could have made at the time. When I found out that I was pregnant I was about to start university in the fall. I had no job and no financial stability. If I told my parents and they refused to support me, I would have had no source of income, skill set, or place to live. The man who fathered the baby left me as soon as he heard the word “pregnant.” I would be a single mom at 18, raising a child without any support from anyone. I was not mentally or financially in a position to support myself and adequately care for a baby. Now when reflecting on my choice to have an abortion, I know it was right for me and my unborn child.
Even so, I still find myself feeling frightened when I tell people about my decision. People who are pro-life make it hard to share my story. Some people have changed their opinion of me after learning of my abortion and view me negatively for it. In other situations, people will voice their opinions in a harsh tone, telling me what I did was wrong. They degrade me as an individual, and I feel small and defenceless in these situations.
I also feel uneasy when I see signs on the side of the highway that read “Abortion is MURDER.” It makes me feel like I am being threatened for doing something wrong. I am not a murderer. I did not commit an illegal act. In Canada, abortion is legal. You don’t need a reason to have one and the cost is covered. However, this does not mean that getting an abortion in Canada is a positive experience. The abortion clinic I went to had a negative atmosphere. There was no sign outside the clinic. The doors were locked, so I had to be buzzed in. No one was allowed inside the clinic, except for the patient — not even a friend or family member for support. This was to ensure privacy and safety. The waiting room was silent. No one spoke.
Before the procedure, I had to talk to a counsellor and verbally consent to the abortion before providing written consent. After the procedure the nurse insisted that an abortion was something to keep to myself, that “nobody needed to know about it.” I left the clinic feeling guilty and ready to act like it never happened. Although this is a legal medical procedure, I felt like I had committed a felony. I never imagined that a medical clinic specializing in abortions would actively try to silence me; to tell me what I have done should be a secret.
I had to see my family doctor two weeks after my surgery to make sure I was healing properly and didn’t get an infection. Those two weeks were horrific. I was in pain as my body went through changes. My breasts were tender and leaked milked. I didn’t even know this was possible at only eight weeks pregnant. Not only did I feel emotionally unstable, but I felt like I couldn’t talk to anybody and had to deal with all of those emotions alone.
When I went in for my post-abortion follow-up, my family doctor asked me irrelevant questions that seemed more about satisfying her curiosity than for my health. These questions included: “Do your parents know? Was he your boyfriend? How long did you know him for? Do you regret it?” All questions that I didn’t feel like answering. I sat there holding back tears. Then she made a statement that bothers me to this day: “You should have had the baby, and let me adopt it.” A professional who was supposed to aid me belittled my emotions and made a joke about my situation. As I left her office, she echoed what those at the clinic had said about my procedure, it was “something that you just don’t tell people,” and then she wished me luck.
Sometimes I have panic attacks and need to be rushed to the emergency room. I tell EMS and mental health nurses I was triggered by a memory of my abortion. They’re usually at a loss for words and all say the same thing: “That must have been hard” or “Do you regret it?” They give me pamphlets for therapists, awkwardly staring at me and send me out the door. Just the word “abortion” makes people uncomfortable, medical professionals included. They don’t know what to say and often say the worst thing they could. I feel that it is easier for them to push me away than for them to try understanding my situation. I feel it is wrong that so many who are in the medical field do not know how to properly assist and talk to women who have had abortions.
In today’s society, everyone has control of their bodies. However, pregnant women’s bodies remain sites of controversy, allowing people to tell women what to do. My experience has taught me that the situation and procedure are both physically and emotionally painful. But I chose to do what I wanted with my body and with my life. I would never judge anyone solely based on their decision to have an abortion. Unfortunately, I’ve come across many people who don’t see things that way.
A pregnant woman has her body and entire lifestyle altered. I view women who have abortions as figures of strength. They chose to do what they thought was best for themselves.
I believe society needs to acknowledge that abortions are legal procedures and actively work to reduce the negative connotations around abortions and the women who have them. Someone who has had an abortion shouldn’t have to live in secrecy and question their morals.
What a woman chooses to do with her body should be acknowledged for what it is: a human right. I wanted to share my own experience so that other women who are going through this incredibly difficult experience know there is nothing wrong with them or their decision; the problem is the system. We can’t make things better if we allow them to silence us.
Photo courtesy of Felipe Correia via UNSPLASH