Ellen Riopelle
the year of softening
of honesty
of connection
of loss and growth
things unknown
and then known
and unknown again
things buried
and dug up
and replanted
the endless repetition
of understanding
the year of sweet, sweet honey
and cinnamon
everywhere
sticky sweetness
on fingers
and under nail beds
the year of breaking open
of submitting to this breaking
without falling apart
of crying
and saying I’m not okay
even when everyone else seems
fine
the year of tenderness
of instantly loving people
and hugging strangers
of platonic intimacy
the year I learned
that the people who radiate
are the people who are open
who eagerly let you in
who listen and touch shoulders
who hold doors
give compliments
and tell you they care about you
the year I learned the importance of asking
how are you
and the greater importance of listening
a year of practicing empathy
a failed garden
that is representative
not of a lack of love
but of being planted in the wrong place
a year of expression and reflection
of excavation
the year I dug up all the dirt and decay with my bare hands
dirt everywhere
on fingers and under nail beds
the year of acceptance
for myself and others
of flaws
of failures
of holes, and dirt, and rot
of feeling incomplete
the tremendous realization that
I
Am
Complete
the hum of the city
and the hum of the ocean
the feeling of concrete
and the feeling of soil
picking flowers from people’s gardens
then watching them die on my bedside table
the confusing process of leaving
and staying gone
the culmination of breaking
the messy uprooting
and then slowly
growing
ending and beginning
all at once
Illustration by Ellen Riopelle