You did the responsible thing and got tested, what now?
Whether you have a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or not, it is good practise to communicate with your sexual partners about STI status, partner history, and safer sex options. However, these conversations can be difficult to engage in.
It is common for people to be anxious about disclosing their STI status and to worry about the stigma attached, but having this open dialogue is valuable and can lead to discussions on how to have a healthy and exciting sexual life.
A research team led by Marina Catallozzi from Columbia University and Planned Parenthood have noted some of the best practices to use when disclosing one’s STI status. While there is no right way to disclose your status, these tips may help.
- Timing
It is beneficial to your sexual partner that you disclose your STI status before you engage in sexual activity, as it allows your partner to make informed decisions about their own sexual health.
Try having this discussion at a non-sexual and sober time in a private place. You want to make sure there is enough time to discuss what having an STI means and how to prevent transmission without being interrupted.
The conversation will likely go better if everyone is in a good mood, as it can be tough to thoroughly discuss if you are distracted by the bad day you had.
Some people find it more comfortable to have the conversation over text, but you will still want to set aside a time when you are both available, so that you can have a continuous conversation.
- Information
Knowing the facts about your STI, such as how to limit transmission and how common it is, can be beneficial. There are a lot of misunderstandings regarding STIs. Being able to share accurate information might make your partner more aware of the realities and expose myths. Having trusted pamphlets or websites you can direct your partner to for more information is also a good idea.
- The conversation
One way to bring up your STI status is to incorporate it into a more general conversation about safer sex. A discussion on condom use and STI testing can lead into disclosing your status.
Alternately, you could start the conversation by framing it with something positive. Making the disclosure low-key and calm can alleviate some of the pressure.
It is beneficial to directly communicate with your partner, instead of leaving hints and hoping they understand, but leaving hints may also be a way to test the waters.
- Practise
Testing out the waters can help you gauge how your partner will react. If you have disclosed before, consider what went well and what did not go well to help guide your next disclosure.
Practising with a friend, in front of the mirror, or by writing down your ideas can make the actual conversation easier.
- Reaction
Allow your partner time to take in the information and be open to answering their questions. Do not pressure them to immediately decide the next steps.
Be aware that they might decide they do not want to engage in sexual activity. Remember that they are rejecting the STI, not you. Having an STI does not change your worth as a person. There are people that will want to engage in sexual activity with you even if this person did not.