Effects of sexual violence on sexual intimacy and supports available
“My first time was memorable because of what I don’t remember,” said a female survivor. “I don’t remember her gentle hands and tender kisses on my breasts because numbness had become my default for being touched there. My body was numb to the pleasure because it was necessary to cope with the unwanted touching that happened to me there when I was a child and could do nothing but imagine that it wasn’t really happening.”
The Hamilton Sexual Assault Centre states that there are approximately 460 thousand sexual assaults every year in Canada, with one in three women and one in six men experiencing sexual violence during their lifetime.
Sexual violence, whether during childhood or adulthood, can adversely affect a person’s ability to be sexually intimate. The University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre outlines some common symptoms that survivors may experience after sexual violence including a fear of sex, feeling angry, guilty, or disgusted at being touched, feeling emotionally distant during sex, and difficulty developing or maintaining an intimate relationship.
“Sometimes when we’re having sex I have to tell him to stop,” said another survivor. “The memory becomes too vivid. Triggered by a certain way he touched me or a certain smell in the room.”
In an interview with The Ontarion, Supria Karmakar, a clinical social worker with a private practice in Guelph, explained that sometimes memories of sexual violence can be stored in the brain as traumatic memories, even if the current sexual intimate experience is consensual. She said the way the brain responds to unresolved trauma can make the person feel they are re-experiencing the sexual violence. Karmakar noted that intimacy can be difficult for people who have experienced sexual violence because it involves power and control with no consent when the trauma occurred.
A survivor of childhood sexual abuse may have had their trust broken from an early age by someone they should have been able to trust. This means some people can have difficulty forming trusting relationships.
One model of therapy Karmakar offers for individuals who have experienced sexual violence is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR has been extensively researched and proven to be very effective in helping individuals process trauma; specifically post-traumatic stress symptoms, which can occur after experiencing sexual violence. This therapy allows a person to reprocess a “stuck” traumatic memory and restore it in their brain in a way that feels less emotionally-charged and traumatizing.
U of G Counselling Services located on the third floor of the University Centre can provide immediate support for individuals who have just experienced sexual violence, including helping them develop a support and safety plan.
Guelph-Wellington Women in Crisis offers on-campus support two days per week for all genders and has a downtown office and 24-hour crisis support line.
Robin Begin, the on-campus director of Sexual Violence Support Services, said this resource can help survivors by advocating for them in areas of judicial, academic, and safety concerns. The Guelph Wellington Care and Treatment Centre for Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence also provides crisis support and can direct individuals to more specific community resources.
If you have experienced sexual violence or know someone who has, there are plenty of resources on-campus and around Guelph that can help you begin your healing process.