Sex noises and how to effectively communicate your desires
Sexual communication occurs frequently during sexual activity and there are various ways in which we communicate what feels good and what does not.
We communicate verbally through words and sounds, and nonverbally through movements and breathing. When communicating verbally we do so using linguistics, such as:
- “Oh”
- “Ah”
- “Oh god”
We also use non-linguistics in sexual verbal communication, such as:
- Moans
- Groans
- Gasps
- Screams
Roy Levin from the University of Sheffield notes that the majority of people make sex noises that usually become more intense leading up to and during orgasm.
HelloFlo writer Hannah Rimm conducted an unofficial survey on social media to include more diversity than the available academic research. Rimm found that some people make noise while others do not, but that people of varied genders and sexual orientations moan when they experience pleasure.
Sex noises, including instructions (for example, “harder” or “faster”) facilitate arousal. According to Levin, describing what acts you would like to do next can impact your sex life, making it more varied, exciting, and pleasurable. Noises not only signal when an orgasm is near or happening, but it is also a great way of getting consent during sex.
Levin states that these sex noises are interpreted by partners as satisfaction, so they are seen as positive. Often people engaging in sexual activity want to hear sex noises from their partner as it reassures them they are doing something right.
Sex educator Patty Brisben and researcher Lea Seguin both note that problems arise when this communication is not honest.
When sex noises are forced or faked, such as faking an orgasm, it sends the wrong message. Faking these noises falsely indicate that the partner is doing something right, when in reality they are not. It likely means they will continue to engage in these acts even though they are not pleasurable, which does not make for very satisfying sex.
Letting a partner truthfully know what feels good and what does not through sex noises (or through verbal communication at another time) can increase your sexual satisfaction.
The other issue that occurs when it comes to sex noises is other people hearing those noises. Rimm found that many people have felt shame regarding their sex noises and have been uncomfortable with others overhearing their sexual activity.
Levin notes that vocalizations can be suppressed. In situations where people are uncomfortable with the sex noises, it may be beneficial to tamper it down a bit and use other forms of communication, like body movements, to communicate what feels good.