It’s okay not to love every moment
I am going to be honest with you — I’m tired.
I’m tired of sitting in class, tired of writing a test or two every week, and just straight-up tired. This is my ninth (yes, ninth!) consecutive year of university, so I suppose it’s not shocking that I feel this way. But it’s also scary, to feel so unmotivated as I approach my fourth and final year of veterinary school. During a time I feel should be building in excitement and anticipation, I find myself increasingly dreading anything school-related.
It’s not that I regret my career choice, nor is it that I am not incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be studying something I love. I’ve been working towards this point for much of my life, and I have never once doubted that this is where I want (and am meant) to be. But loving something is not always easy, particularly when that something involves a decade of post-secondary education and several hurdles along the way.
The other day in the lab, as I was practicing simulated intestinal surgery, I overheard a conversation between two of my classmates. The essence of their discussion was: “Honestly, I just can’t wait until that feeling is gone, that feeling of always having to be studying. I can’t even watch a movie with my boyfriend without feeling guilty. It’s like I always have to be studying, it’s exhausting.”
Of course, no one enters a professional program expecting it to be easy. Long days and excessive materials are par for the course in Vet Med, and part of the reason that not everyone who loves animals chooses to be a vet. After all, there are several avenues to involve oneself in animal care, welfare, and medicine that don’t involve putting yourself through the DVM ringer. Evidently though, 120-odd classmates and I have willingly landed ourselves in this position, and all the challenges that come with it.
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In the hyper-competitive veterinary world, exhaustion and isolation are not difficult to find.
However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t struggle sometimes. In fact, the veterinary profession has an alarmingly high rate of mental health crises among its members. Financial constraints, compassion fatigue, client expectations, online abuse, and long hours take a toll on vets across the country. These challenges are only made worse with the advent of social media, where misinformation is spread daily and the years of education veterinarians put into their degree are constantly questioned, our motives attributed to a non-existent payout some people think our recommendations will earn us.
All this is quite daunting for an upcoming graduate who is tired from school but has not yet even entered the field. Considering the constant and almost life-long pressure on veterinary hopefuls — get good grades in high school, achieve stellar university grades while obtaining lots of experience, push through four intense years of vet school where grades are constantly emphasized and rewarded — it’s no wonder we’re susceptible to burnout by the time we can put ‘Dr.’ in front of our name.
So yes, I am tired. As of this week, I’ve written just under 20 midterms or final exams, many of which were followed by full days of class. It’s hard to recover from intense study sessions that feel less like waves than they do tsunamis — but hey, I guess I chose to swim in the ocean.
Thankfully, I’m not swimming alone.
My peers surrounding me are writing the same tests, completing the same labs, and feeling the same fatigue. Albeit in our own unique ways, there are over a hundred fellow swimmers fighting the tides around me and helping each other when someone may have trouble keeping their head above water. Knowing I am not alone has been the greatest source of comfort to me. Somehow, the vulnerability we allow each other to see in ourselves has only made my classmates stronger and more respectable in my eyes.
In the hyper-competitive veterinary world, exhaustion and isolation are not difficult to find. I would strongly encourage anyone contemplating this profession to ensure they truly understand the work and sacrifices involved. If, like me, you decide it is still all worth it, be sure not to neglect the non-academic aspects of your life (though lapses are inevitable). Work with your colleagues, not against them. Continue these priorities not just in university, but throughout your career.
Being honest with yourself, and others, about your needs is one of hardest — and most essential — things you can do. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to help the animals for whom you have made all these sacrifices. I can’t think of anything more heartbreaking than that.
Considering the constant and almost life-long pressure on veterinary hopefuls … it’s no wonder we’re susceptible to burnout by the time we can put ‘Dr.’ in front of our name.
Photo by Alex Vialette
A version of this article appeared in print in The Ontarion issue 188.2 on February 13, 2020.
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