Clinical psychologist, Meg Jay, has some strong words for young people
How often do you sit and think about where you’re headed and where you want to be? The choice of coming to university was likely dependent on those questions, but now that you’re in your twenties, it seems that each one of life’s decisions has become that much more consequential. Failure to grapple with these higher stakes can lead one to flounder – wasting potential and prolonging the phase of teenage indecision.
In May of 2013, TED released a talk by clinical psychologist Meg Jay called “30 is not the new 20.”
Jay spoke of “claiming your twenties” by realizing that this decade is of great importance and cautions that we ignore those who parrot the line “30 is the new 20.” The latter mindset can lead to a less productive third decade, for it allows people to delay getting that critical head start, under the assumption that they have an extra, free decade to work – or rather, play – with.
Jay stated that our 20s are “developmental sweet spots,” and that “20-somethings really matter.” These are years we cannot get back. It may seem that, in our 20s, we have an endless amount of time to figure things out – our education, career, or future plans of a family – and while this is partly true, we need to be focused on getting there and building ourselves up to achieve our own personal greatness.
This time is now to begin building something for your future. There is no reason to delay. Not being sure or feeling a sense of overwhelming confusion is natural, and at times necessary for growth. Your twenties don’t have to be a crippling moment in life – they can be monumental. Jay says that “80 per cent of defining moments happen by your mid 30s.”
To make the best use of those years, Jay recommends that people in their 20s keep three ideas in mind: building “identity capital,” discovering “weak ties,” and “choosing your new family.”
Building “identity capital” involves gaining experience that is going to benefit you and your resume in the future. The jobs and internships you apply for now are going to benefit you later on (if chosen correctly), and performance at these jobs is a reflection of personal character and ability. Even though it may seem like a part-time job that is mindless, the loyalty and dedication shown there will prove important when apply for bigger and better things in the future.
Secondly, Jay speaks of discovering “weak ties.” Jay argues that opportunities are not typically found in the most visible of places. By “following the herd” – or your social safety net – you may not be making the best choice for your future. Jay says that young people should strengthen their “weak ties,” such as friends of friends, neighbours, and past co-workers, because these are people that can potentially lead to future job opportunities, romantic relationships and so forth. Neglecting to network can result in disappointing prospects.
Finally, Jay spoke of “choosing your new family.” One may not be able to choose the family they were born into, but they are able to choose what kind of family they want to have in their future. This relates to building the right kinds of relationships now and not wasting time on negative or toxic relationships that do not propel you forward. Jay spoke of this from a mainly romantic standpoint, but the same could be said about friendships in general. It is critical to be surrounded by people who want you to excel and reach personal goals, those who are a constant negative force in your life do nothing but rob you of your passion, energy, and sense of achievement. It is best to let these people go.
Our twenties are nothing to roll our eyes about. They’re a time to slow down, look around, and realize our potential. These years are the time to build possibilities for ourselves, and grasp the opportunities that will benefit our lives, right now and in the long term.