Technology is changing the way in which we court potential mates
Dating is defined as a form of courtship that consists of social activities, usually between two individuals, with the aim of assessing each other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship.
In this past (and even the present), this form of courtship involved approaching people in bars, being set up by friends and family, or meeting through mutual relationships – with the initial encounter taking place in-person.
But with the growth of new technologies, namely the Internet and increased usage of smartphones, the dating game has drastically changed in many ways.
No longer is it necessary to approach a stranger in a bar, or ask your friends and family to set you up, because now you can simply log onto the web or download an app.
Websites such as Facebook, Plenty of Fish and OKCupid, and apps such as Grindr and Tinder, help connect complete strangers with the click of a button. These social networking tools, with many geared specifically towards dating, allow one to easily navigate their prospects. Just scroll through pictures to judge immediate attractiveness, read through their “About Me” to gauge general compatibility, and look through their “Likes” to see if there are mutual interests. Some sites even do some of the heavy lifting for you and will offer compatibility percentages, and if you “heart” each other in apps such as Tinder, the lines of communication are then opened to you (and at least you know that the other person thinks you are hot).
Within little time, it is fairly easy to determine whether or not you are compatible, essentially eliminating the dreaded nervous first date where you spend hours “interviewing” the potential candidate to see if you are actually a good match in the first place.
While these apps and sites seem to be a good time-saving tactic for the avid dater since it allows you to scan through more potential mates than ever thought possible, are there any potential downsides?
In the article “How technology had changed dating forever,” Anna Leach speaks of the tyranny of immediacy. “They know you have your phone on and they know you are on Facebook, so if you don’t reply to that text or message immediately, they’re gonna start wondering why not,” says Leach.
As well, due to the initial interaction via technology, many rely solely on IMs, texts, and email during their first few interactions. This, of course, leaves one with a lack of facial cues and body language – leaving most trying to decipher what that “;D” face really means. As well, since you are essentially hidden behind a technological device, there is no way to judge how much in-person chemistry you will have.
This immediacy also leaves everyone with the ability to be rejected through more than one facet (in person), since you can now be ignored or even dumped through countless venues.
But Leach also focuses on some of the positives, stating how social networking sites such as Facebook can help you “express your interest in a non-threatening way by adding them as a friend.” It may seem intrusive to add a total stranger into your friend network, but on the flip side, it fits with the modern needs for immediacy of information.
These technological-based interactions can actually lead to meeting people you’d never come across in real life, and it greatly widens your pool of potential candidates. The lack of face-to-face interaction makes it easy to start conversations based on previously reviewed mutual interests, and it provides you with a safe space where the fear of rejection is reduced.
However, is judging someone based on what’s written in their profile (before you even have in-person contact) a pitfall of online dating? Jessica Rozler, author of The Hookup Handbook, told the Times, “online research makes the first date seem unnecessary, because it creates a false sense of intimacy.” Basically, we are receiving an overload of information without much perspective – with no body language, no facial cues, and no in-person chemistry to judge compatibility.
It is difficult to say where online dating will lead, or what the potential repercussions or benefits may be. But in the mean time, the immediacy and ease of the experience seem to be a beneficial way to bring two people together. Opening yourself up to new mates is often difficult, but technology is making it easier than ever before.