When saying “no” actually means saying “yes” to yourself
We’ve all been there – that moment you realize you have booked yourself way too thin, and are wondering how you will find the time to attend all of the meetings, parties, and dinners. You have somehow managed to book yourself so full that you wonder where you will find time in a day to take care of yourself, or worse yet, that you have forgotten to for weeks. The stress has built up, and you finally have to say to yourself: “that is enough, I need me time.”
…that is enough, I need me time.
It’s different for everyone, but the idea is the same – we all need to make time for ourselves to be our most productive selves. Sure, we may physically be well enough to complete multiple tasks, but does that mean that we have to? Certainly not. We may be feeling well enough to pack our schedules full, but the truth of the matter is this: keeping too busy can wear us down. Everyone needs to take time sometimes to cool down, and recover from the busy lives we hold. Recharging is something every individual needs, and there is no better time than now to begin recognizing this before it’s too late.
It’s mid-November – I mean, it’s actually mid-November. How many times a year do you say something along the lines of “Wow! I can’t believe it’s already ________?” If you are anything like me, you find yourself doing this almost once a month. Time is flying by; there are so many things to do, and so little time to do them. There may be a lot of things to do, and a lot of people to see, but what I don’t think we often realize, as a society, is that we have the ability to control our schedules to a certain extent.
In life, there are things that we have to do, things we want to do, and things we need to do; but then, on top of this all, there are also things we think we should do. Because we are surrounded by a fast-paced culture that is constantly striving to move faster, progress further, and do more, people can sometimes feel an overwhelming pressure to fit it all in. It doesn’t have to be that way, but we choose to allow it to happen. We all have autonomy, and we can make decisions that will positively influence our lives, but, with that autonomy, we also have the ability to make decisions that can negatively influence our lives and, furthermore, can be detrimental to our overall wellbeing.
…it’s okay, and completely healthy to say no…
Saying no is a really difficult thing to get used to. It is as if we have been taught without that saying yes is the nicer, more polite thing to do. Who is this benefiting? And, who are we being nice to? This is something that I think is really important in the long run. We need to recognize and accept the fact that it is a good thing to be kind to ourselves. Saying no sometimes doesn’t mean that you don’t care, or that you don’t want to see your friends, or take on that extra project, it just means that you need a bit of time to take care of yourself and get things in order for you – not for school, or for work, but for you personally.
We are all individuals; we are not defined by what we study, or what kind of job we hold down, or how many friends we have. Sometimes, it feels as though that is the case, but it is not. We all need to appreciate the fact that it’s okay, and completely healthy to say no sometimes to recover and rejuvenate from the things that we feel define us in order to remember who we actually are. We need to remember what it is that makes us uniquely beautiful.
The holidays are a busy time, and with them approaching, many people feel the pressure to not disappoint people. I love the holiday season and visiting with people – don’t get me wrong, I think it is important for everyone to do that if it is something that they enjoy doing – but I think it is necessary to remember to take some personal time within the madness. It is when we pack ourselves too tight and forget about taking care of ourselves that we lose our ability to function properly, which results in feeling burnt-out, and can even lead to depression.
Saying no sometimes is a really healthy thing to do for ourselves; it is a necessary thing that we need to adjust to. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but all things do. It’s something that is out of our comfort zone, a part of the unknown. Saying no is not selfish, although people who don’t care, or have not recognized the importance of self-care may not understand this. Those that love you and want what is best for you will understand that you may have to miss that party, or you may not be able to take on that extra work assignment, or volunteer opportunity, and it’s okay. People who understand will get that it is better for you to take some time and relax, and focus on yourself, as you wouldn’t be your true self if you pushed yourself to go there, or do that anyway.
Ultimately, I think that the majority of people have some work to do with this. It doesn’t mean that you are weak, or selfish in the negative sense of the term; it just means that you are aware, and you can recognize when you need to take a break and reflect on yourself. The greatest thing about pushing through comfort zones is the ability to continue personal growth, and by allowing yourself to say no sometimes, you are clearing your schedule to work on the one thing that is most important in the world – you.