Setting yourself up for success, one step at a time
We all start off the New Year with good intentions. We tell ourselves that we will eat healthier, go to the gym more often, spend more time doing the things we enjoy, learn a new language, and procrastinate less on work we have to get done. The list, albeit well intended, often looks eerily similar to last year’s goals. Somehow, despite the determination that this year will be different, people find themselves sidetracked – often with excuses like, “I just ended up getting too busy.” Before you know it, the goal you had for the year has ended in a month, and when friends or family bring up the topic, you end up whistling and sheepishly looking off to the side. While crossing off 2014 and writing 2015 overtop one’s resolutions is one way to approach the problem, it won’t fix the issue at hand. In fact, it might just make you feel worse.
What needs to be kept in mind, however, is that New Year’s Resolutions, I believe, are not meant to be quick catalysts that will change your life. One of the dangers that I, and many others, fall into when making goals is setting ourselves up to complete vague and enormous tasks. For some people, this might work – but it doesn’t for everyone. Here are four tips I’ve found to be great advice (even outside New Year’s Resolutions):
The first is to choose small, realistic goals. Going to the gym isn’t a bad goal, and being healthy is a great thing to strive for in life. However, the problem is that the goal is too ambiguous. By focusing and making the goal more attainable and clear, the task becomes less daunting. For example, if your resolution was to go to the gym more often, perhaps take the time to schedule three times per week that you will go to the gym, with a goal for each day that you go – whether that be running for 10 minutes or 30. If that is still too big, go smaller. Want to eat healthier? Try replacing dessert or unhealthy snacks for something else you enjoy, like fruit or yogurt instead. Small steps will still lead you to where you want to go.
The second piece of advice is to plan your change gradually. Despite the appeal for quick fixes, like getting abs suddenly overnight or instantly speaking impeccable Spanish, the reality is that change requires hard work. That isn’t to say that it’s impossible. By breaking up tasks and slowly building on them, goals become easier to accomplish and you can start to form good habits. If you find yourself overwhelmed by your list, choose one thing to focus on. Long lists can be great if there is a lot you want to do, but they can also make you get overwhelmed. If you still have struggles, don’t fret – slow down. This isn’t a race against anyone but yourself. Change will come gradually.
The third piece of advice is an important one: don’t beat yourself up. Setbacks are a natural and normal occurrence when you try to improve. I think it’s extremely important to keep a positive and determined attitude towards the goals you set. As soon as doubt or negativity begins to permeate, take a second to calm down. Remind yourself why you set this goal, and why you want to achieve it. Beware the trap of thinking, “What the heck, I’ve already broken my goal once, who cares if I do it a second time.” A mistake is okay, but if a mistake becomes an excuse, that is when you have a problem. If it helps, post a sticky note on your wall cheering you on to complete your goal, read an inspiring quote, tell a friend to cheer you on, or watch a video that will cheer you on.
Behavioural change is hard. Really, really hard – it’s why bad habits form in the first place: the easier option often looks really appealing. Sometimes skipping Monday-morning-lectures seems more appealing. That is why concrete, manageable tasks are a great way to approach the problem. You can even create a check list to get the satisfaction of completing a checkpoint in your goal. Take a chance and adjust the way you approach your New Year’s resolution goals – testing yourself and seeing what works and doesn’t work is all part of the process of change.