Image adapted from the photo by Zoë Hoornaert via CC BY 2.0
How you perceive an event is more important than how often a stressful event occurs
When you experience a betrayal, it’s hard to forgive the person that hurt you. Often this can end friendships, as returning to the sense of normalcy you had before can be difficult. Holding onto a grudge is never fun, but more than that, it may be bad for you. The negative emotions that you are holding onto may actually be harmful to your health.
In a recent study conducted by Penn State University it was found that how you react to stressful situations has more impact on your health than how frequently stressful events occur. There is an understanding that stress and negative emotions are linked to heart complications. Penn State researchers sought to explore this relationship by interviewing over 900 participants within a wide range of ages. They interviewed participants over a period of eight days, monitored their heart rate daily, and kept a log of their reported stressful events. It was established that those who experienced higher amounts of stress did not necessarily have higher heart rates. Only those who perceived the events as high stress had the highest heart rates.
Our perception of the events that we experience makes a difference in how our health is affected. The more stressful an event is perceived to be, the more damage it can have on our overall wellbeing. Consider how you feel when someone hurts you, the feelings often don’t go away overnight and can cause stress. Holding onto these negative feelings could drag out the stress that you experience. Thus, letting go of grudges is good for your health.
It’s not easy to release negative emotions depending on the severity of the offence. It can be difficult to forgive someone like a cheating ex, a professor who gave you a poor grade, or a childhood bully. In the end it’s not hurting the person you’re holding your grudge against. Everyone has different techniques to cope like exercise, writing, painting, or cooking.
Personally, I have had moments where I found it difficult to move on. What got me through it was finding a reason to get over my negativity or channeling it into writing. Writing helps give me a sense of closure that I may not be able to get with the person I’m mad at and, in the end, the release feels better then carrying that grudge.
It can also help improve other aspects of your life by giving you new activities should you chose to channel your energy elsewhere. Say you chose exercising to help; if you exercise frequently you will feel more energetic throughout your day, gain muscle and potentially lose weight.
So the next time someone hurts you and you’re holding on to the negative emotions, forgive them, let go, and do whatever you can to move on. You’ll be helping your mental health by not dwelling on it and your physical health by avoiding exposing your heart to repeated stress. Your heart will thank you.