The benefits of not talking about the weather on a date
Remember the other day, when you were just sitting there thinking to yourself, “Gosh, I really love small talk?” No? Well, that’s because no one likes small talk. Small talk is like the gateway drug to the real deal: Deep and meaningful conversation. Sure, small talk is essential in a number of social situations like networking, making elevator rides less awkward, and treating people who are providing you with a service—like a haircut, ya pervs, get your minds out of the gutter—like fellow human beings and not robots. There are definite benefits to staying off of your device and being able to chit and chat your face off.
But, is it possible that small talk can actually screw you over when it comes to certain situations? Consider your dating life. Have you ever gone on a date and after spending a couple of hours together—laughing, chatting, and having a great time—walked away only to realize that you’ve learned nothing worthwhile about this person? Sure, you know your date likes [pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]…take the risk of offending someone with your beliefs and opinions.[/pullquote] Seinfeld more than Friends, is allergic to something weirdly normal, and likes the outdoors, but you’ve learned nothing about them as a person, their beliefs, or their passions. And what’s more, they’ve learned nothing worthwhile about you either. Of course, you can make the argument that you’ll get to the important stuff on a future date, but what if all that small talk means there won’t be a future date?
Small talk is “small” because nothing that matters is at stake in the conversation. You face no risk of offending anyone because nothing you say during small talk is interesting or opinionated enough to cause any tension. After all, who is going to be outraged by you describing the weather this week? (Probably a person you should stop dating immediately.) In ensuring that you don’t offend anyone, you lose your ability to make an impression on anyone. Herein lies the dilemma: Do you risk offending by discussing a more charged issue with someone you’ve just met or do you play it safe and risk being forgettable?
When it comes to dating, take the risk of offending someone with your beliefs and opinions. If it’s someone you’re going to click with then you’ll be on the same page or at least be able to communicate your respective points of view in a mature way. Alternately, even if you don’t click, then at least you’ve had an interesting conversation about a topic and tried to understand an issue from someone else’s perspective. Agreeing to disagree about something meaningful is a better indicator of compatibility than agreeing on something trivial like your favourite shows on Netflix.
It’s important to shift your concerns away from offending someone and towards learning whether or not this is someone you want to spend your time with. You’ll learn a lot more by asking, “What are your thoughts about abortion (or gun control, censorship, feminism, etc.)?” than you will by asking, “What is your favourite colour (or zodiac sign, favourite food, etc.)?” Since you asked: purple, Taurus, and chocolate fudge cake.
There’s a good chance you didn’t really care about that information and to be perfectly honest, although it’s information about me, and I don’t really care either. Go ahead, answer those yourself. Do your own answers really matter to you? Do they define you as a person in any way at all? I’m guessing not. And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t waste a whole date exchanging that kind of information.
Take it from a serial first dater, small talk does nothing but waste your time. So the next time the conversation feels heavy on the small talk, consider throwing caution to the wind and throwing a conversational curveball at your date. Risk being a little offensive to ensure that you’re a lot of things except forgettable.