My experience growing up as an identical twin
The number of times that I have been asked what it is like to be a twin is beyond fathomable. If you were to add up the number of times my twin sister has been asked that question as well, we would be out to the moon and back. The reality of it is, no matter how many times I have been asked, I still don’t have a good answer. When the question comes up again, my experience has already changed, my opinions have already altered, and without fail I always feel the need to consult with my twin before I can attempt to give an adequate answer.
The truth of it is, unless you grew up as a twin, you will never fully understand our experience. Growing up as a twin presents itself with a unique set of challenges, and it definitely wasn’t always amicable. As much as we wanted our childhood to be Parent Trap or Zack and Cody-style, it wasn’t. In fact, with the minimal exception of a few, most twins would agree. The Suite Life twins were the pinnacle of twinning in our eyes, and my sister and I compared ourselves to them non-stop. Which was not ideal when the two of us were constantly being compared to each other to begin with.
“The Suite Life twins were the pinnacle of twinning in our eyes…”
The round-the-clock comparison between us has endured for our entire lives. Neither of us wants to be the fat twin, the smart twin, the weak twin, the girly twin, the sporty twin—neither of us want to be labeled. We always have been, and always will be, individuals who happen to share a face. We have shared many things in our lifetime, but when it comes to sharing, well, let’s just say that is still a work in progress.
For most of my childhood I didn’t have a first name. I mean, I did, but it was never used. To my teachers and my coaches, I was Ms. Thompson or just Thompson. It wasn’t until much later that I realized this was out of fear of not knowing if they would get my name right when they called it out. Although I appreciate them not wanting to get my name wrong, my early days gave me no sense of individuality from my twin.
It should be said that I am lucky. My sister and I share a unique bond that guarantees her as, not only my duplicate, but my best friend. Not all twins are so fortunate. The persistent comparison to each other can cause many sets of twins to grow apart, as they crave distinction from their carbon copy. My sister and I did something that I would advise all twins do: we went to different high schools. Granted, there are some sets of twins who enjoy spending all of their time together, but the separation between us gave us a chance to create our own identities. When all is said and done, our identities are still primarily attached to one another. However, knowing who I am without my twin has helped me evolve into the person I am today.
Nonetheless, my childhood was incredible. Growing up with a twin also gave me an unmatched partner in crime. All individuality aside, we were—and still are—inseparable. Everything from climbing trees to imagining we were knights storming a castle, you could not pull us apart. The stereotypes of being a twin apply to us without fail. Are we telepathic? No. Do we finish each other’s sentences? Yes. Do we know when something has gone wrong for the other even when we’re not in the same place? Yes. We want to be individuals, but the individual aspect of it almost seems hypocritical when we are intrinsically linked.
“The degree to which we feel emotions together is intense.”
In essence, we are two peas in a pod. Which, biologically, is also accurate, having come from the same egg. As we went through high school, we were able to create our own originality while simultaneously nurturing our connectivity. We didn’t have to be competitive with each other over friend groups, grades, or school sports (although we still were). We got to choose our competitive moments, and we have no shortage of them. Although I hate to admit it, she usually beats me at most things.
The competitive nature between us has led us to many great points in our lives, and to a few negative ones as well. When we fight, it is usually explosive. A small event will act as a catalyst and we will dive into battle with each other headfirst. On the other hand, our shared happiness is also on another level. We can cuddle for hours, resulting in giggle fits of epic proportions. The degree to which we feel emotions together is intense. My twin sister is my biggest fan and my biggest critic. She makes me an immensely better person.
When we are asked what it is like to be a twin, it is hard to answer because neither of us know what it is like to not be a twin. As we have moved through our lives, we have become increasingly magnetized to each other. We are a walking contradiction, inseparable individuals; one without the other is like a lock without a key. The negative side of growing up as a twin is loss of identity, but that loss is vastly outweighed by the partnership that we share.
We have struggled all of our lives to explain our unique relationship to people. In the simplest form, I have one answer: I am an individual, but I would be no one without my twin.