Sometimes the small things have adverse effects on mental health
For those battling mental health concerns, one of the hardest things can be feeling misunderstood. It is difficult enough to open up about any struggles you might be facing. Having someone invalidate your emotions through micro-aggressions, or feeling like you are being treated differently because of your mental health, can make you want to retreat into a shell.
Micro-aggressions are defined as being subtle behaviours, reactions, or statements that demean or diminish another person in some way. Many micro-aggressions are unintentional, and many people who are well-meaning can say the wrong thing. There are also intentioned acts of micro-aggressions, meant to put someone down.
“Micro-aggressions are defined as being subtle behaviours, reactions, or statements that demean or diminish another person in some way.”
A common aggression that faces people with mental health concerns, is microinvalidation. Most mental illness cannot be seen and those observing often make assumptions based on what they can see. For example, someone who needs to take a break from school or spend a day in bed can feel invalidated when they are told something as simple as, “Are you sure you don’t want to get out of bed? Going out and doing something would make you feel better.” Or, “I saw you out walking yesterday. You look fine—why don’t you come back to school?” Comments like these are all too common and they can make someone battling with mental illness feel like their emotions are invalid. No emotion is invalid.
Micro-aggressions toward someone’s mental health can come across as patronizing. For many people, opening up and telling their story can be daunting. Supporting people who do speak out about mental health is critical and your choice of words can change how that support comes across.
“Micro-aggressions toward someone’s mental health can come across as patronizing.”
“You’re so brave for speaking up and not worrying about other people seeing you as weak,” is a backhanded compliment that can sound passive-aggressive and implies that you see mental illness as a weakness. Any time you imply that someone with a current battle or a who has a history with mental health is weak, you are taking away the pride and strength that they have spent time building from the ground up.
Those suffering from mental illness know themselves better than anyone else. In many cases, people dealing with mental health concerns feel as though they are constantly being given suggestions as to what might make them feel better. That is not misguided by those trying to help, however it is usually worded in ways that can make someone feel as though it is wrong for them to feel the way they do.
When someone is discussing their mental health story with you, try to keep an open mind. The experience of one person is unique from that of another, even if you feel that you might have shared experiences with them. Situations can present themselves as similar, but the way in which each person experiences or feels in that situation is different. Comparing your experience to another can help make the person sharing feel as though their experience isn’t important or the same as everyone else. This can help lead to the feeling of being misunderstood.
“When someone is discussing their mental health story with you, try to keep an open mind.”
Micro-aggressions are almost always unintentional and occur largely due to a lack of education on the topic. The more aware we are of mental health in our communities, the better equipped we will be to support someone in need. Some people are afraid of discussing mental health, afraid to admit they are struggling, and afraid of people who are openly struggling. This is partly due to how the media often portrays those with mental illnesses—illnesses often discussed in relation to crime. Crime and mental illness are important topics to discuss, however the percentage of people included in that conversation is miniscule compared to those walking around fighting for their health in our everyday lives.
When it comes to mental health and micro-aggressions, it is important to look within and question how we have said something, question how it sounded, and how it may have come across to someone else. For those experiencing micro-aggressions, don’t be afraid to speak up. Well-intentioned people are often responsible for micro-aggressions and by letting someone know when they have said something hurtful, it can help both parties grow.
Photo courtesy of Sara Martin.