Zine published about personal experiences talks about the importance of community
When Asia Barclay started her journey at the University of Guelph she was in a relatively good place. By second year, she hit a wall as her mental illness started to crawl back out of the woodwork.
Mental health had always been at the forefront of Barclay’s life, having battled anxiety, depression, PTSD, and substance abuse issues. The added stress that accompanies university can weigh down on anyone, and for Barclay, it was a catalyst in her battle with mental health.
Barclay spent five-and-a-half years completing a degree in international development, with a specialization in gender and development. Taking her time with her degree allowed her to receive support that she required and to take a reduced course load to help manage stress.
Barclay was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, a disorder which usually manifests in young children. Children will be very anxious or depressed at a young age and they can easily get diagnosed with having anxiety and depression for a while until they hit their early 20s and they have their first bipolar episode.
“For me, it was extreme anxiety,” said Barclay in an interview with The Ontarion. “It’s not like the stereotypes you see, people going on wild spending sprees, jumping off buildings and being super crazy. It wasn’t like that for me. It was just very incapacitating.”
“The importance of sharing, for Barclay, is helping to create an open community where stigma isn’t present in conversation.”
Writing tests at school, studying, and completing assignments caused states of anxiety that had a huge effect on Barclay’s time at Guelph. Barclay says she was lucky to have the support she did at Guelph. A friend referred her to the Student Accessibilities Services on campus and upon some testing, Barclay’s mental health was classified as a disability. This allowed her to have a quiet space to write tests which helped curb her anxiety.
“It’s a huge privilege to be able to access services,” said Barclay. “I knew people who knew about them and I was educated enough to be able to advocate for myself a lot of the time”
Barclay decided to publish an online zine to share her experience with others in the community who may be suffering from similar things. Barclay wants to break down the stigma that accompanies mental health.
“One in five people will experience mental health in their lifetime, but I actually think it’s more like five out of five, we just don’t talk about it,” she explained.
While Barclay was in detox when she decided to write her zine, she received many messages from people wondering where she was and how she was doing. This inspired her to start posting on social media about her experiences.
“Sometimes you go forward and sometimes you go back, but it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. And failing isn’t always a bad thing…”
Barclay recognizes that there are negative aspects of social media, but for her it was a way to stay connected: “It was like having a therapist. I couldn’t leave my house a lot of the time so I had very little contact with the outside world for a little while. […] Without social media I would have spiraled into my own head if I couldn’t connect with people.”
Barclay altered her privacy settings on Facebook so only those she felt comfortable sharing those details with were able to read it. Her zine, titled Succulent: A Zine About Healing, Hope, and Happiness, is available to anyone who wants to access it online. The importance of sharing, for Barclay, is helping to create an open community where stigma isn’t present in conversation.
“I think something we worry about a lot of the time is being a burden with our mental health,” said Barclay. “People who care about you, people who love you, they want you to talk to them rather than go through a path of destruction by yourself. And we get to offer the same thing for them in return.”
Barclay says it’s important to know that mental health and recovery is never linear.
“Sometimes you go forward and sometimes you go back, but it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. And failing isn’t always a bad thing; failure means that change is happening, failure means that you’re learning something, and failure means that you’ve hit a certain wall and something else might come of it.”
Photo by Mariah Bridgeman/The Ontarion.