The news is just too real
The world can be a scary place to live. Wild GMOs roam the grocery stores waiting to pounce on anyone that gets too close. Technology is enslaving the youth of today and forcing them to look at the screens of their phones. A recent report done by the Facility of Accepted Knowledge and Education (FAKE) found that a majority of people prefer to read fake news as opposed to real news because, “The world is very scary and not as much fun.”
“Many people have too much stress in their lives already, they just don’t want any more piled on top of that,” Sandra Baxter, the chief statistician at FAKE said in an interview with The News and Press.
“We all know that bad things are happening, […] we’d just rather hear something lighter,” she added.
The report collected data from 56,000 news sources, examining each story and the amount of views it received. Then, it compared this to the number of views received by fake news sites such as The Onion. They found that fake news sites had many more hits than the actual news websites. Additionally, they found that among the most commonly searched items on each of the websites were “puppies” and “kittens.”
“It’s getting harder and harder to get people to read the real news,” said Jon McBanterpants, editor-in-chief of The News and Press. “It’s gotten to the point that we have to make up stories about puppies saving bunnies from lightning just to get people to read.”
After the release of the report, many major news companies such as The New Yorker and The New York Times are considering switching their format from hard-hitting journalism to fake news in order to make people feel safe about the world.
In a recent interview with The Contrarion, fake news advocate Jeff Jefferson said, “I love hearing fake news. In the real news, you never hear about a puppy running for president. It’s just more fun to hear about things like that, you know?”
He continued by saying, “The real news seems to be just one sad story after another, and I just don’t think people should hear stuff like that. […] They should just hear happy things.”
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