Perfect for you and your pooch
Eating right can be rough during exam season, with any extra time that could be spent making a healthy meal being used to study up on a full semester’s worth of information that should have been absorbed, in easily digestible chunks, throughout the past four months. Luckily for students looking to shovel healthy fuel into their gaping, ravenous maw, the University of Guelph’s food science department, in partnership with the Ontario Veterinary College, has announced popular dog chow brand Kibbles ‘n Bits as the superfood of 2017.
“The way we see it, university students aren’t too different from your run-of-the-mill North American mammal,” said Dr. Alexander Goldglit, director of superfood designation in the Department of Gastronomic Affairs (DGA). “They move around in packs, have debatable hygiene during stressful situations, and have no clear grasp on their current financial reality, like my schnauzer, Commodore Whiffles.”
Between these proven similarities and the indisputable evidence that dogs are just happier than the average university student, Goldglit and his colleagues drew the conclusion that the source of a canine’s sunny outlook on life was their intake of crunchy kibbles and tender meaty bits.
“We asked ourselves, ‘What else could make dogs so happy?’ It couldn’t be their lack of responsibilities, social commitments, academic goals, or need for pants; it must be their love of delicious, delectable, Kibbles ‘n Bits dog food!”
The 2016 study, funded by Big Heart Pet Brands, analyzed countless factors and variables that could contribute to a healthy and nutritious lifestyle for studious students, and they found that traditional staples of the human diet weren’t living up to the high bar set by the pet food industry.
“Every time I walked through the library and saw an undergraduate blending up chicken breasts and broccoli in his Magic Bullet, and proceed to guzzle this protein and vitamin rich sludge, I would shed a tear for my inner gourmand.”
Already, yuppies around the globe are flocking to their local PetSmart to stock up on their favourite dog chow.
“I can’t wait to nibble on those Kibbles ‘n Bits,” said local yoga instructor and amatuer vegan blogger, Shirly Leifer. “After a hard day of aligning my chi, nothing sets my chakra in harmony like settling down with my pug, Sebastien, and sharing a big bowl of nourishing dog food.”
This has been the second time in the long and storied history of the superfood designation that a product primarily aimed at our four-legged friends has become the hot, trendy dish, with Beggin’ Strips as the superfood of 1994.
Photo by Anne-Hornyak via CC-BY-SA-2.0