Learning about love through loss
You see it in the movies and TV shows. When the protagonist—almost always female—gets dumped by her idiotic boyfriend, she spends a chunk of the plotline sulking in the cheesiest way: eating ice cream, not getting out of bed, and crying on a daily basis.
I used to think it was pathetic. It’s just a breakup—and the guy usually isn’t worth it. What was the big deal? It’s not the end of the world.
It took me experiencing my first breakup at 19 to open up my eyes on how a breakup can really take a toll on a person.
My ex was not only my first partner, he was also my first love. We shared a Nicholas Sparks kind of love. That special kind of love that makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time. The kind of love that makes you feel like you can’t live without that person.
Yet, despite him being the first love of my life, it wasn’t enough to make the relationship last. Just like any other relationship, shit happens and things don’t always work out.
I remember after we broke up, the worst feeling began to develop in my stomach. I felt like I was being punched in the gut, like I was rotting from the inside. It got to the point where I only craved food once a day. I guess that painful feeling of a hollow stomach is where the phrase “a piece of me died” stems from. This feeling lasted almost two weeks, but it took four months in total for that feeling to truly go away.
It followed me everywhere that I went to the point that I couldn’t focus in class without thinking about it. I would expect to cry at least twice a day, every day. A part of me felt like I was never going to love again.
Only day by day did it eventually fade. It was hell, but afterwards it made me realize it was all a learning experience. I learned that relationships are complicated and sometimes love really isn’t enough; that just because a relationship ends it doesn’t mean the two people didn’t try or the love wasn’t real.
I will never judge anyone whose relationship didn’t work out. I’ll only offer to listen and support, just like what my peers and friends did for me.
Photo by Valentyna Zin