Three years down and what do you get?

Another day older and $30,000 in debt  

I need a Match.com for major life decisions. I want to fill in my information, and then I want the system to spew out options that are going to be right for me.

I strutted into the fall of my first year of university wearing a stylish, thick-rimmed pair of rose-coloured glasses. I was optimistic, perhaps idealistic, about the adventure that was laid out before me. I made a split-second decision, right before I graduated from high school, to ditch biology for political science, and I had my mind set on law school. I may have changed the plan pretty drastically, but at least I had a plan.

If you know me now, you know that while politics is the only place for me, the idea of law school gives me some serious commitment-phobia.

Every fall since my first year, I’ve come back just a little less idealistic, knowing that I no longer have a plan set in stone. Normally, fall is the time of year where I look ahead, and the end is just far enough out of sight that I don’t have to make any major decisions. I’ve planned and unplanned my future a hundred times, like a letter I keep writing out only to erase it again: I can still see where the words used to be, but it’s impossible to make sense of them.

And for the first three years that was fine. I could sleep soundly knowing that I had ample time to test the waters and figure out where I fit best.

But what happens when you don’t have that kind of time anymore?

What happens when all of a sudden you’re at the end of your degree and you still haven’t figured it out?

It’s a frightening place to be. I’m being chased to the finish line and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do once I get there.

Three years in and what do I have to show for it? I have a fairly impressive resume, a hefty writing portfolio, $30,000 in debt, and a few more stamps in my passport.

What I do not have is a plan.

I’ve been lucky enough over the last few years, to discover a lot of new things that I’m interested in. I’ve become a bit of a student journalist, I’ve volunteered on a handful of political campaigns, and I’ve dipped my toe into academic research. Looking at my situation from an outsider’s perspective, this is great news; I have options.

Options and I, however, have never gotten along very well. I have a very serious problem with indecision. It is the reason I stand at the ice cream counter for 15 minutes before picking a flavour. And it’s the reason my friends pick a restaurant without consulting me. I wouldn’t offer much help anyway.

This semester, I’ve reached the point in my life where my indecision is starting to stress me the hell out.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way. There’s pressure on young people to know where we’re headed. How many times have you been asked about your plans after graduation? I’ve gotten used to telling people, “Oh, I’m probably going to go on and do my Masters.” But sometimes I think back on my answer and wonder, am I telling people that because it’s what I want to do, or because I think it’s what they want to hear?

When people ask if I’ve ruled out law school, I usually tell them no. It seems like the right answer. It’s a pretty prestigious job. Lawyers make a lot of money. I’m in political science. Easy call, right?

A resume, a portfolio, a loan, and a full passport. I said earlier that this is all I have to show for three years of a university education.

I’ll admit I may have jumped the gun a bit on that. I also learned a lot about myself. For one thing, I learned that I get bored very easily. So, the worst thing I could do to my future self, would be to get stuck doing something I don’t feel passionate about.

When I made the last-minute decision to forgo a future in science for a future in politics, I didn’t know if it was going to be the best or worst decision I ever made. I still don’t know, to be honest.

I excelled in science. Math too. But I realized, almost too late, that I didn’t love it. I was taking the courses because I was succeeding. And obviously when you succeed at something, you move on to the next level. But in that case, I didn’t love the game I was playing.

I think this can happen to students too easily. We put ourselves on a path based on the information we have at the time, and when we come to a crossroads, we keep moving forward.

It’s the logical thing to do.

Why turn left when we could more easily move straight?

Why take the harder route if we don’t have to?

For some of us, the straight course is right. The plan you’ve had for yourself all along still lights a fire inside of you.

For some of us, it doesn’t.

My plan coming into university was to go to law school. But I’m finding myself in the same situation I was in about three years ago. When I picture my future, nowhere in it am I pouring over case notes. Nowhere in it am I yelling, “I object!” What I’ve realized over the past three years is that the law doesn’t excite me.

But thanks to some of the learning I’ve done outside of the lecture hall, I think I know what does… and you just finished reading it.

Photo by Alorra Griffiths/The Ontarion.