Initiating a break up doesn’t make you a bad person — you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied. However, there are different approaches to breakups that can dramatically impact your ex’s experience.
By following these five tips, you stand a better chance of having a healthy breakup and, in time, having a civil relationship with your ex.
1. Consider your timingSome relationships are toxic, and you are under no obligation to stay with someone if they make you feel unsafe or miserable. However, in less extreme cases, it is important to be aware of how the timing of your breakup will affect your partner. Try to avoid breaking up with them at a time when their stress level is high, such as exam season.2. Communicate before it’s too lateThe most frustrating thing is when an ex cites issues that were never brought up. If the key reason for your split is something your partner could reasonably improve on, give them a chance to work on it before pulling the plug.3. Keep discussions to the presentIf you have decided that you want to end the relationship, but haven’t found the right moment, avoid acting as if the relationship has a future. A friend of mine once gave her boyfriend a weekend away in Montreal as a Christmas present only for him to break up with her right after the trip, something he knew he would do all along. Don’t make plans that you know will take place long after you have broken up — allow your ex to enjoy these experiences with other people.4. Be kind, but be clearNothing is more uncomfortable than having to reach out to your now ex-partner to confirm that you did indeed break up. While you may think it’s nicer to dance around the issue, if you aren’t clear you can risk major confusion.5. Don’t say “I just need space” Finally, breakups are an opportunity for you to be honest. If you are planning on seeing someone else, this is a chance to let your ex know before they find out through other channels. Having an honest conversation will help them get closure and help inform the choices they make in their next relationship.
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