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My wise four-year-old friend, Zeppelin Diclemente, tells me that “true love is in your heart and it creates your whole body.”
I actually met my true love when I was a student at U of G in the early ’80s. We met at the Bullring, which was a dance hall at the time. He was the DJ, playing every song I requested.
He had a great smile and I felt comfortable with him. I filed that away not thinking much about it, because he was not at all my type.At the time, my type was tall, dark, and emotionally abusive.I once was a hormone-riddled youth, with shaky self-esteem, in search of true love. Finding true love wasn’t easy. I often made my love decisions based on my heart and groin. More often than not, I sold myself short with one disappointment after the other.
One day I said, “Enough!” I decided then to use my head, along with my heart and groin, to find my love.
To understand my past dating patterns I made a spreadsheet. Some categories included:
- Who asked out whom
- Who paid for the outing
- How the dates were
- How these individuals treated their mothers
I discovered that all my dates were either unavailable or unable to be there for me in my hour of need; many also had negative relationships with their mothers and eventually treated me negatively as well.
Next, I defined the top 10 qualities I realized I needed in my partner in order to be happy in a future relationship. Some of the qualities I included were:
- A good sense of humour
- Kindness
- Intelligence
- Organizational skills
- A healthy relationship with his mom
- Someone I could be happy growing old with
I made a cue card for each quality and its description. Each night before I slept, and upon waking, I’d read these and visualize how I’d feel when I had my “Someone” in my daily life. After I went out on a date I’d evaluate how it went, keeping in mind my list of top 10 qualities.
During my waking hours, I’d focus on my health, career, and studies — areas where I had some control. Doing this helped me feel stronger inside.
Years later, my future true love met me again.I asked him out as a friend and found myself falling in love when he did a triple somersault, rolling down a hill at Ontario Place, and landing clapping with his feet.I thought he was an even bigger child than me! When I met his mother, and saw how much they enjoyed each other’s company, I realized with my heart, my groin, and my head that he had become my new type — funny, blonde, and kind.
I’ve been married to my “Someone” for almost 30 years now. I still feel lightness in my heart and grounded in my body when I’m with my true love. Zeppelin was right.
Illustration by Barbara Salsberg Mathews
You had me at ‘my wise four-year old friend’ … I teared up at the end… such a special bond!
So true Sally.
Thanks Sally :^)
Oh my…he sure is a wise and kind 4 yr old soul!
A beautiful story! You were also wise to really think about what you wanted and needed in a partner for life. Great job on the article!
Thanks Rosemary 🙂
A fine art major can live happily ever after with a math major after all!
Karen Kimpel – so true :^) Creates a more balanced brain.
Beautifull article and amazing storry,good job Barbara and thank you Justyna…
Thanks Justyna. I hope your daughter also enjoyed reading my article.
Out of the mouths of babes….. Lovely article. True love…..a blessing….and so beautiful when you find it.
Thanks Roma