Working through anxiety and helping others
The summer before first year is supposed to be a fun, exciting, nerve-wracking, freeing, stressful time. For me, it was the summer that rocked my world into a new understanding of mental health, anxiety, and who I was.
When I first realized I was experiencing anxiety I went into a research frenzy to learn how to “fix” myself. I was obsessed with trying to find just one story of someone who understood and was going through the same thing as me. I wanted to know how to shake the feeling and to shed my own skin while still trying to live the life I had planned for. At the time of my initial research, I found many websites telling me what anxiety was, but not many telling me what I could do about it, and almost none featuring real people who might actually understand what I was experiencing.
In the summer before my final year of undergrad, I created an online support website called Anxious and Alive. I created it in 2015 after four years of trying to understand how I would live my new adult life and feeling plagued by anxiety in many aspects of my life. I created A&A with the intention of supporting people from all walks of life, each with their own story to share. My goal with A&A is to show people that not only can you live and cope with anxiety, but you can also thrive with it. I can’t express how grateful I am for everyone who has shared their story with me. I have learned so much about people, the human condition, and the incredible resilience and bravery that people have within them.
I have learned so much about suicidality beyond the stigma, and sadly during this process of personal growth, learning, and healing, I have lost a friend to suicide. Losing Chris shook me to my core, and made me realize how important this work is. I realized that all components of the ego that come into play when searching for success meant nothing. Pouring my heart into caring for others is the only way to succeed — by trying to prevent other tragedies like Chris’ death from happening. If there is one thing this year has taught me, it’s that we are all more powerful than we think we are. This means so many things to me. This means that we are resilient. This means that we are capable of healing ourselves. This means that we can get to the darkest corners of our lives, but then spot the light on the horizon. This means that we can all help others in so many ways. All we need is a little compassion for ourselves and the ones around us, a lot of empathy, and a pinch of bravery to take the first step.
For me, sharing my story through the website that I created was liberating, and I know many of our writers have expressed similar feelings of liberation. Our readers can often find solace in knowing that someone else out there knows their path. For me, knowing others are on a similar path makes the journey feel much less lonely.
I want other people with mental health struggles to know that they are not alone. To them, I want to say: You are braver than you think. You are strong beyond belief, even more so on the days you feel weak. Every moment you push through is a success, and though not every day is good, there is good in every day.
Photo by Alora Griffiths/The Ontarion