The sweet (and not so sweet) world of sugar dating. Students share their experiences.
Editor’s note: The names of the three sugar babies have been changed to protect their privacy.
It comes at no surprise that life as a university student has never been more expensive. Student debt is a constant worry for many, as is the struggle to find a job post-graduation. In the wake of economic uncertainty, one type of relationship has become popular for some students. Sugaring, or sugar dating, is a relationship between an older, richer partner (or “sugar daddy/momma”) who offers a younger partner (or “sugar baby”) gifts or cash for fulfilling their agreed upon relationship goals. These arrangements can be simply companionship, but more often than not the relationships are sexual in nature.
Guelph in particular is a hot spot for sugar babies. As of 2016, there were 554 registered sugar babies who reported attending the University of Guelph on the popular sugaring site, SeekingArrangement. This puts the university third overall in Canada for number of students signed up, after the University of Toronto and Ryerson University.
In order to better understand the appeals and drawbacks of sugaring, The Ontarion spoke with three sugar babies:
- Robin, a graduate from Humber College who was a sugar baby during school and after graduation
- Kara, a current Guelph student who is no longer a sugar baby
- Charlotte, a Guelph student who is new to sugaring
I also set up an account of my own to see how the site worked.
The world of sugar dating
Right away, it is clear how tempting it could be to become a part of the sugaring world. The industry is marketed towards students, as those signing up with a .edu email address get upgraded to premium for free. After opening an account on Friday and having it screened by SeekingArrangement overnight, by Saturday morning I already had six messages. By Monday I had 12 different users contact me, without reaching out to any men on my own. The messages I received ranged from single worded “heys” to arrangement proposals.
Kara told The Ontarion that she found the world of sugaring to be a far cry from her undergrad dating experience so far. “It was a rush and it really made me feel in control of my relationships which is something I lacked in the past. Suddenly I had men offering to fly me to NYC for the weekend and I would just say, ‘No, thanks.’ It’s a very different world than that of a typical undergrad student, which I found really appealing.” Some of the requests Robin received were both bizarre and fun. “I had one ‘client’ whose fetish was to have me take a bubble bath full of cash. We didn’t touch each other.” In terms of a time commitment, the actual dating is often not as time consuming as a typical relationship. In Charlotte’s case, her sugar daddy (SD) has a hectic work schedule and doesn’t have the time to date, so he uses SeekingArrangement instead. Their dates last anywhere from four to six hours a week.
Charlotte admitted that she has been lucky with the arrangement she was able to find. “I genuinely like my sugar daddy. He is in his early thirties and good looking, and I enjoy being around him. I would consider spending time with him without an arrangement, but if he’s able and willing to spend money on me, then why not?”
“I can definitely see where it can go negatively though,” she added. “It’s the nature of the relationship. When someone is paying your bills, you feel you need to give back to them in some way. Although he has never pressured me, I have done things with him I wouldn’t normally do because of the nature of our relationship.”
Can sugar dating be feminist?
In a post #MeToo world, is sugaring empowering or degrading? The movement is inherently meant to call out rich men who feel entitled to sexual favours because of their power. Is sugaring directly in opposition to this movement?
U of G political science professor Dr. Carol Dauda expressed a belief that sugar dating is supporting power imbalances between men and women. “It seems to me that, although the idea is that there can be sugar mommas as well as daddies and that there can be same-sex as well as heterosexual matches, the majority are young women who are looking for a benefactor through fulfilling stereotypical patriarchal gender roles,” she explains. “It is interesting that this fantasy is still potent and attracts both the daddies and babies in our contemporary society.”
In contrast, Kara saw her experience of sugaring as a subversion of power structures. “The best things about sugar dating were the money and the power it gave me. Old rich white guys are pretty much the biggest powers in our world and suddenly they were at my beck and call, trying to get my attention.”
I must admit, some of the offers I received sounded incredibly tempting. One of the users who contacted me offered to pay for my next vacation and give me an allowance of $400 a week, which I admittedly thought about longer than I should have. I was later informed that this was a low offer, but it nonetheless demonstrated the possibilities that sugaring can hold.
Personal safety
Unfortunately, sugar dating is not as simple as it seems. While sugaring may have a number of benefits, it ultimately comes with serious costs too.
“It ended up being a lot of work for me emotionally to be the person I was for my SD,” Kara said. “It is important to note that I am not great at faking emotions and my SD was so incredibly dull that an hour with him every week nearly killed me. He was more than three times my age, so we had very little in common and I found that it fell on me to maintain the conversation, much to my chagrin.” Kara added that there were instances where she did not receive the money she had been promised. “[It] becomes awkward and frustrating,” she explains. “It was just a little stressful, and underlying all that, it is hard to shake the fact that a lot of these guys are huge creeps.”
When asked what advice she would give to people considering sugaring, Robin replied: “Don’t do it. That’s my advice. It’s a very dark and dangerous and addictive industry.”
If you decide to participate in sugaring, safety must be your top priority. Like any time you meet a stranger online, make sure someone knows where you are and who you are with. Kara and Charlotte both had trusted friends who were aware of what they were doing and who they were with. Charlotte also always has a friend pick her up and drop her off from her dates, and makes it clear to her sugar daddy that someone is going to come pick her up. Be prepared that not everyone is who they appear to be. In the profile I created, nothing I stated was the complete truth, and I got away with it. Furthermore, it is not unheard of for pimps to create accounts and use their position on the website to lure women into human trafficking. Always remember that if something is too good to be true, it usually is.
Final advice
Sugaring is not the right lifestyle choice for everyone. “Don’t do it for the wrong reasons, there’s no point in royally messing up your mental health for some extra cash,” Kara said. “I wouldn’t suggest it if you don’t have some other motivation besides just money. For me, it was the rush, and honestly bragging rights; I liked being the girl who was crazy enough to take that leap and actually be a sugar baby.”
Charlotte’s advice is to treat sugaring like you would any other relationship. “When searching for a boyfriend, you don’t date the first guy you see. You need to be selective. Know your limits and know your worth. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.”
[trx_infobox style=”regular” closeable=”no” icon=”icon-phone” color=”#000000″ bg_color=”#FF77F4″ top=”inherit” bottom=”inherit” left=”inherit” right=”inherit”]RCMP Human Trafficking Helpline (Ontario): 1-800-387-0020[/trx_infobox]