Fan favourite John Walsh uses students’ blind adoration as catalyst to make gladiator dreams come true
On March 15, the anniversary of Julius Caesar’s death in 44 BC was remembered around the world. The Roman dictator was stabbed to death by his friends on a night that is now remembered as, “just some bloody fun!”
However, at the University of Guelph, Professor John Walsh was celebrating for a different reason.
During a lecture on March 17, before a crowd of students in Rozanski Hall (a building with seating arrangements and architecture that eerily resemble an Ancient Roman amphitheatre), Walsh stated: “I would like to announce that I am now the proud owner of The Bullring.”
After a brief pause, the professor added, “the atrociously hipster restaurant can now be restored to its original purpose — a gladiator arena.”
The crowd erupted thunderously as Walsh looked on amidst the cheering and standing ovation, arms crossed and bow tie meticulously straight.
After a few moments of applause, the professor held up a hand and the crowd immediately fell silent.
“Who among you are willing to be my first contestants?”
After the lecture ended, The Contrarion sat down with Professor Walsh for a brief interview. When asked why he thought it was a good idea to bring gladiators to Guelph, Walsh stated simply, “Not enough gladiator blood is shed at university these days.”
Critics have stated confidently that the University would never allow such a plan to proceed. Before we were escorted out by two stoic Roman guards who looked strangely like Franco Vaccarino and Cam Guthrie, Walsh told The Contrarion: “I knew that, no matter what the University said, my students would back me up 100 per cent.” After a pause and a sly smile, he added, “Guelph students are really good at protesting.”
Photo edited by Alora Griffiths/The Ontarion