Studies show Canadians will experience all four seasons within one week by 2030
Recent studies have revealed that by the year 2030, Canadians will experience all four seasons within a week on a regular basis. This rapid fluctuation in temperature will make life out in the open impossible for most plant and animal species. In response to this issue, environmental scientists have proposed the building of a massive biodome — a form of controlled, self-sufficient ecosystem that closely replicates the natural outdoor environment. The biodome will allow for the control of temperatures so that plant and animal life will be able to survive and thrive until they are able to evolve and adapt to the changing environment.
“Imagine this,” explained the head of research at the University of Guelph, “on Monday you can wear your summer shorts and on Thursday you need to go get your winter tires put on your car. Except there will be no rhyme or reason to the changes. It will be constant weather chaos.” In a strange turn of events, those who were previously opposed to President Donald Trump’s wall of racism and fragile male ego are now seeing the value in this structure, though perhaps not for its intended purpose. “Trump’s wall will be used as a major supporting structure to the North American Biodome,” said a scientist who asked to remain anonymous, “Americans are eating the cost of that entirely, but it will benefit both Mexico and Canada. Now, if only Canadians can make Trump as fearful as the brilliant Mexicans did so that he’ll pay for ou- that wall, as well, Canadians, who I am not one of… will be sitting pretty.”
While the future is as uncertain as the weather, it seems Canadians can still rely on President Trump to stoke the fires of xenophobia to keep us warm through the coming ice age.
Photo edited by Alora Griffiths/The Ontarion