Commissioners of all four major sports implement “anything goes” for trades
On March 5, it was announced that, starting next season for each respective Big-4 professional sports league, the trading format would be drastically changed.
A meeting was held for all NFL, NHL, NBA, and MLB team general managers, owners, and league commissioners concerning various issues impacting major sports in recent years. One issue brought up by Gary Bettman, commissioner of the NHL who is known for doing flat-out dumb things, was the imbalance in trades between teams. Bettman cited the 2016 trade between the Edmonton Oilers and New Jersey Devils, in which he approved Edmonton exchanging elite forward Taylor Hall for New Jersey’s one-dimensional, and quite frankly useless Adam Larsson. In the following season playing for the Devils, Hall went on to earn the Hart Trophy (NHL MVP award), while Larsson was, as previously stated, useless for the Oilers.
Roger Goodell, NFL commissioner who is known for allowing controversial things to happen under his watch, suggested changing the trade platform altogether. This isn’t nearly as controversial as allowing NFL players to continue playing football after beating up their romantic partners, but it did raise some eyebrows at the meeting.
The other two commissioners, Robert Manfred and Adam Silver of the MLB and NBA respectively, were opposed to this until dummy Bettman suggested an “anything goes” trade deadline.
Trades leading up to the deadline, which occurs in late February for both the NBA and NHL, would be limited to the transaction of players and draft picks, but come the deadline, anything goes. Mike Babcock, head coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, told The Contrarion he’s “not too sure what’s going on here, but barbecue sounds real good and Sparks plays real bad.”
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Here is a list of potential trades that would earn league approval in any of the major sports leagues:
Toronto Maple Leafs trade goalie Garret Sparks to Carolina Hurricanes for two years’ supply of barbecue at any restaurant in Raleigh, N.C.
Golden State Warriors trade point guard Stephen Curry to Los Angeles Lakers for free surfing lessons on Venice Beach each time the Warriors visit Los Angeles.
New England Patriots trade tight end Rob Gronkowski to Kentucky Fried Chicken (yes, the fast food chain) for free meals any time, any place, forever.
Boston Red Sox trade all their money to a team who deserves a chance to win, for once.
Photos obtained via wikimedia commons.