$100,000 loot bags are a thing for some reason
Each and every year over the last 91 years, the Academy hosts their annual company party: the Academy Awards, which is also called the Oscars for reasons unknown but probably related to some elderly, caucasian gentleman.
For those who may be unfamiliar with the Oscars, they are highly similar to the Dundies as seen on the classic television comedy performed in the style of a documentary, The Office. Unlike the Dundies, however, Hollywood celebrates their employees while forcing everyone else to attend their annual company party.
It is unclear why others should be interested in Hollywood employees giving each other awards for doing their jobs when this is never reciprocated for those who aren’t performers. After all, the Academy is not alone in this odd behaviour. Others have created their own awards show themed company parties, including the Emmy Awards for television, the Tony Awards for theatre, and the Grammy Awards for music.
“I just don’t see the point in watching something where there’s no chance of me or anyone else I personally know winning an award,” said Mirali Almaula, Editor-in-Chief at The Ontarion and author of this Contrarion article. “I certainly don’t expect movie stars to watch The Ontarion’s volunteer appreciation parties or AGM.”
Not only do the Oscars flaunt how beautiful, well-dressed, and talented movie stars are, they also give them their yearly bonuses in the form of party gift bags. This year’s bag was valued at $100,000.
“We thought of making a cheaper bag, but we knew that $100,000 would really get everyone talking because it’s a nice round number,” said Adele Dazeem, Super Official & Real Oscar Spokesperson. “Movie stars are super wealthy, so giving them $100,000 is basically like giving a regular person a $1000 bonus.”
When asked about the gift bags, Dazeem explained that “it’s all just marketing really — big brands want to see famous beautiful people using their products, so students who are working minimum wage jobs and recent graduates with student loan debt will pay for those products. It’s not a perfect system, but no one has ever thought of anything better, so grab some popcorn and join us again next year as we celebrate 92 years of pretty much the exact same thing but newer, shinier, and more disconnected with the average viewer.”
Photo edited by Alora Griffiths/The Ontarion