New free speech policy outlines item-by-item fees, a complex algorithm, and “big bad speech”
The Central Student Association (CSA) has released an item-by-item menu called The People’s Only Option (for) Public-Speaking (POOP), which has been adopted by U of G, laying out fees for using certain speech on campus.
Unlike the olden days, speech has now been itemized into fees based on criteria for an offence. Speech is now evaluated on the “speech graph,” which measures the number of people receiving certain speech as well as how impactful that speech is. Further, fees can be easily charted.
“Impact” is defined as anything that has the potential to offend any audience.
For example, expressing frustration regarding an instructor’s teaching style to one person will result in a $25 fee. Of course, the fee increase is based on the complex algorithm of the “speaking principle.” Thus, if the same comment is heard by 100 people, the fee can quite easily amount to $4,732.
POOP has also outlined specific “big bad speech” that equates to fixed fees no matter the quantity of recipients. Items on the “big bad speech” list include:
- Any and all complaints regarding POOP fees
- Any and all comments regarding lack of school spirit
- Any and all comments regarding Franco Vaccarino’s head
- Cussing is also considered “impact” speech. Saying the f-word costs $1.50. Saying “dang” costs $1.05.
Thankfully, students can choose to pay off their “speech debt” by openly using approved speech with utmost sincerity.
Various clubs on campus are now billed a minimum of $450 for a single, 30-minute “impact” event, while personal events vary in fees. For example, wearing a sandwich board that says “say no to meat” can carry a fee ranging from $100 to $1,000, depending on the type of meat implied. Also, standing in the University Centre and waving your arms in the air while yelling, “I’m human, I’m human!” can result in a fee of at least $75, depending on whether or not the speaker is in fact human.
As for POOP’s overall impact at U of G, no students have come forward to comment.
Featured photo by Alora Griffiths/ The Ontarion