Q:Can I be Sex Positive if I’ve Never Had Sex?
A: In short, yes.
Sex-positivity is an attitude, so it does not matter what sexual activity you have or have not engaged in. The Oxford dictionary defines sex positivity as “having or promoting an open, tolerant, or progressive attitude toward sex and sexuality.” This is a very broad definition, but there is not a single clear definition of sex-positivity. Chantelle Ivanski and Taylor Kohut, researchers out of Western University, asked specialists in the field of sexuality how they defined sex-positivity and found that sex positivity is an “ideology that promotes, with respect to gender and sexuality, being open-minded, non-judgemental and respectful of personal autonomy, given that there is consent.” This includes respecting every individual’s choice to engage or not engage in sexual activity. Justin Lehmiller, who is a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute emphasizes that sex-positivity includes “understanding that not everyone is a sexual being and that a lack of sexual desire is not inherently dysfunctional.”
Participants in Ivanski and Kohut’s study noted that “sex-positivity leads to healthier relationships with oneself as well as others, better mental health and lower suicide rates.” It also helps people tell the difference between healthy sexuality and abuse.
Unfortunately, our society is not sex positive. The opposite of sex-positive is sex-negativity, which promotes “feelings of shame or guilt” around sex or sexuality, and reinforces the ideals of sex for procreation only. This means that sex outside of a committed monogamous relationship is seen as bad. Ivanski and Kohut note that some people see sexual attitudes as a spectrum, instead of having to be either sex-positive or sex-negative.
People should not be judged on the number of sexual partners they have or the type of sex (as long as it is consensual) they have. So, whether you have never engaged in sexual activity or have had numerous partners, you can be sex positive.