Tips for Navigating Your Roommate Problems
From navigating the stress of school and relationships to evolving family dynamics and extracurriculars, university students are constantly performing balancing acts. That’s all without having to add a confrontation with a roommate to the seemingly endless to-do list.
I live with four other girls. As a self-professed introvert, the unending barrage of gabbing, open door policies, and subtle jabs has left me overwhelmed and exhausted. In my first two weeks in the house, I was stunned by the skill with which my roommates wielded the silent treatment and drew blood with pointed barbs. And soon my house, which was once my haven, felt like a war zone. After months of ducking friendly fire in the form of pointed glances and eye rolls, we have managed to reach an armistice. Here’s how we did it.
1. Communication is key.
It goes without saying that communication is essential, which is why it shouldn’t go without saying. You want to know the best way to destroy a friendship? Let things fester. When you live with someone, avoidance is often impossible and the longer you drag out a confrontation, the more likely the confrontation will feel like detonating a bomb.
2. Establish expectations for cleaning.
I have never met anyone who has the exact same cleaning practices as their roommates. Learn to expect and enforce the basics of cleanliness on your roommates and realize that certain expectations may be unrealistic. While you may consider sweeping the floors and wiping down the counters an every day routine, I can guarantee you your roommates will not.
3. Set up ground rules for your personal time.
Recognize that you and your roommates will handle stress and emotional turmoil differently. People use different strategies to cope with bad days, and you are not responsible for acting as your roommate’s therapist and vice versa. Personally, I have enforced a one hour ‘time-out’ when I return from campus which prevents my roommates from speaking to me. This is just enough time for me to come to grips with the fact that I live with other people.
4. Tune noise out.
Invest in noise-cancelling headphones. Your roommates likely won’t keep the same hours as you. It’s even more likely that they will attend Dollar Beers the night before you have an important midterm.
5. Listen to what they have to say.
There’s no such thing as a perfect roommate. Be open to criticism and compromise. No one likes to hear they’re at fault, but the truth of the matter is that at one point you will be. Listen to your roommate’s complaints with an open mind, as the only person you’re hurting by brushing them off is yourself. Angry roommates will lower your quality of life.
Do yourself a favour and learn from my trials and tribulations. Ultimately, I find the arguments you have while living with someone are easily resolved with a talk or some time apart. You have a responsibility to resolve conflict with your roommates for your own well-being.
A version of this article appeared in print in The Ontarion issue 188.2 on February 13, 2020.
Please visit www.theontarion.com/submit to find out how you can share your work with The Ontarion.