You and your partner don’t need to be in the same room to have a good time
As we continue to navigate life during pandemic times and follow associated health guidelines such as masking, social distancing, and quarantining, people may find it difficult to engage in sexual activity. However, similar to other social activities such as concerts or classes, sexual engagement can be transitioned to an online format. Activities such as sexting, phone sex, and video sex can allow for partnered sexual activity while not physically being with a partner.
Sexting is the exchange of sexually suggestive and explicit text, photo, and video messages between people. Sexting can be done in real time, with the partners sexting at the same time, or asynchronously, where the partners exchange the messages when they are able to. Sending text-based messages can be an easy way to ease into online sexual activity. When sexting of any sort, you have time to collect and edit the content. Phone sex is sexually suggestive or explicit conversations happening in real time — so no visual is involved. Video sex is similar to phone sex, but also includes a visual element. This visual element can be anything you want, including (but not limited to) the partners in various states of undress or engaging in masturbation.
It’s okay if these online sexual activities feel daunting or silly at first, they will get easier with practice!
What to say
You don’t have to be super explicit to be sexy. Tell them what you want and how you want it. You can give compliments about what you like, and ask questions about what they want. Describe what you are feeling and doing. Being detailed and descriptive is going to help you and your partner visualize the fantasy.
What to wear
There is more flexibility in what you wear when sending text-based messages or engaging in phone sex, as the other person doesn’t see you. But if you are being seen (photo or video sext, or video sex), wearing whatever makes you feel comfortable is best. It might be something that makes you feel sexy, or something that you can look at and describe to the other person, or it might be nothing at all. It is also totally okay to describe a fantasy of what you are wearing over text or phone — you don’t actually have to be wearing it.
Takeaway
As with any sexual activity, communication is key. Talk with the people you are engaging in these activities with to figure out what works for you. Your online sexual activity is likely going to look really different from what your roommate’s or friends’ online sexual activity looks like, and that’s okay. Have discussions around what you are looking to get out of the online sexual activity, what you are okay with doing, what your limits are, and what times work best for you. It’s also really important to remember that even in online sexual activity, consent is a must!
A version of this article appeared in print in The Ontarion issue 191.1 on Aug. 26, 2021.
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