The responsibility for women’s safety has traditionally been put only on the shoulders of women, but we all need to do our part
I recently had someone tell me that she shares her phone location with her sister.
She told me it was to be safe, and I automatically nodded my head in agreement because I do the same. I had only known her for about two hours, and although it felt like we had lots in common, location sharing is a commonality among most women. It is almost an unspoken rule that girls do this with their friends, housemates, or even family. It has gone from “text me when you get home” to “share your location with me.” However, I believe location sharing should not be a societal norm.
I am sure most, if not all community members, have heard about the recent events taking place at Western and Guelph surrounding the spiking of females’ drinks. These events have shocked many and have heightened fear among women and girls. Many have started taking extra precautions as a result. I have seen tips and tricks on how to tell if your drink is spiked and support groups and ways to ensure your friends get home safely circulating on social media. These are all great resources, but they are all reactive measures. An act has already been committed and we are forced to protect ourselves against it. What I have not seen is proactive measures. How will these acts be put to an end?
By acts I mean drink spiking. I mean uncomfortable sexual comments and unwanted touching. I am talking catcalling, aggressive language, and stalking. When will women not have to worry about feeling safe the moment they step out of the house? I’ve heard people say that women should expect this when they go out, or that they stick up for their friend because “he didn’t mean it like that.” Society needs to stop putting the pressure on women to act the part, dress more ‘appropriately,’ be more cautious and attentive, avoid places where it may be unsafe, and keep an eye on friends to the point where you are tracking their location. I think together we can reduce the number of these acts committed, but it has to start with those committing the acts.
To support those around you and avoid unknowingly contributing to uncomfortable behaviours:
1. Intervene if you see someone who appears uncomfortable with another. You don’t need to address the offending person with hostility, but point out that what they are doing is making someone else uncomfortable. If you see someone being harassed in any way, please be a part of the solution.
2. Do not touch people without consent. As obvious as this may seem, many still do it without thinking twice. Even something seemingly little like a hand on someone’s back as you pass by can make them feel extremely uncomfortable. The best way to ensure that everyone is on the same page is to keep your hands to yourself or ask first!
3. Talk about boundaries with female friends. Learn what makes them feel unsafe and how you can help. Listen actively without the intent to reply, but with the intent to understand.
4. Understand that it’s not always personal. Just because someone puts their guard up does not mean it is because of you; it may be they had a negative past experience, or someone around you is making them feel uncomfortable. However, also acknowledge the fact you could have done something unknowingly or unintentionally. The best thing to do is to give the person some space and, if appropriate, ask if there is anything you can do to help.
5. Be a good example for friends or even strangers. By doing the above, others will notice and start taking on the same attitudes and actions. Doing your best is contagious.
I truly do believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel. As fast as terrible news spreads through social media, I believe good news can travel the exact same. People of all genders need to stand up for women, and I am hopeful that we will all be standing side by side soon enough. Let’s work together to change the story.
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